"Guys? We're going to need a bigger what the fuck."

The opulent mansion of Alexander Mendes da Silva—one of the biggest drug traffickers in Brazil—was raided on Friday by 800 soldiers, and guess what they found? I mean, besides drugs? THIS!

Guys? Were going to need a bigger what the fuck.

  • “Guys? We’re going to need a bigger what the fuck.”

A humongous Justin Bieber mural! SEE? I’m not the only adult in the world that has an unhealthy interest in this multi-talented pop mega-star, and… and… okay, that mural is super weird and creepy. People get tortured and murdered in that room, and the last thing they see before they die is their own blood swirling down the drain, and that picture of Justin Bieber. So Alexander? YOU’RE OFFICIALLY OUT OF THE CLUB!! (And I’m unfollowing you on Twitter.)

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

3 replies on “Looks Like I’m Not the Only Adult with a Justin Bieber Google Alert!”

  1. Hmmmmm I’m trying to come up with a P.C. way of asking if that painting was done by a reta….I mean mentally handicapped person who is also blind. SRSLY what kind of drug dealer pays for art that shitty???????

  2. Maybe it was painted by one of the people being tortured? Instead of leaving a last note, or something? They wanted to remember the Bieb.

  3. OK, so it’s not photo-realism…that’s because it’s not a painting. It’s a tapestry, woven from the fur of alpaca fetuses. And those red and blue alpacas are very rare, if you didn’t know.

Comments are closed.