This coming Friday is official National Bike to Work Day, which falls at the end of official National Bike to Work Week, which is in the middle of official National Bike to Work Month.
This official national designation would all be pointless, except that the Portland Bureau of Transportation is handing out free coffee and bagels to bike commuters tomorrow morning in Pioneer Square. Yessss.
In recognition of Bike to Work Day/Week/Month, San Francisco drag queen Lil Hot Mess posted a list of bike commuting tips. They’re pretty solid, even if you’re not commuting in a wig and six-inch heels.
1. Your wig will not protect you.
Wear a helmet, girl, and protect your brain, but more importantly your face! Your wig may be huge and could possibly used as a flotation device, but just think about it this way: when you topple onto the pavement and your brain is spilling out onto your flawless paint job, it will not make for a cute photo. Make sure it is snug and secure, just like your…2. Unlike a microphone, share the road!
One diva, one mic = one diva, one bike? For once, get off that high horse and share the road with cars, pedestrians, and other bicyclists! Think of the bike lane as a catwalk — be fierce but not too ferocious. Follow the rules of the road and stay off the sidewalk, or I will throw you shade!3. Sequins are good, but spotlights headlights are better.
Find your light, mama! Once the sun goes down, you’ve got to bring your own source: a white in front for the “coming” something red and moody behind for the “going.” I like mine to get all flashy, but that’s just personal taste.4. Lock it up real tight
Should I go with a Boy Scout knot-tying motif, or a BDSM gag? Well, you get the drift… I have had my wheels stolen one too many times, and it is no fun hobbling down that walk of shame with a busted bike. Lock up your bike securely, the tighter the better, make sure you’ve tied up all the parts to something with a flared base top!5. Watch your tuck, lady!
OK, this one is totally optional, but from personal experience you might need to shift your ride from defensive to um delicate to protect those lady parts!
h/t to Jessica Roberts!
Fucking cyclists. Pay taxes or get off my roads.
Sounds like Graham just paid that $60 bill for the Sellwood Bridge. We should toll the bridges for bicycles.
Graham bought the roads?
@leaky: all of them
I tried once that and they told me I could only buy one and that the Name “Great Leaky God of all Mortals” coulnd´t be placed in it, they couldn´t name the road like that for some reason, but that I could buy it anyways. How did you do it? did you used Hipster powers?
@leaky: What’s a hipster?
One who has power to buy ALL roads, like you did, so hereby you declare yourself openly Hipster?
Greyham?
Ah, the old “you don’t pay taxes” argument. Newsflash honey: A 20 pound bike does not inflict the same stress or damage to the road as your 1 ton car, neither it poses the public health damage derived from fumes. So, your argument it’s quite refusable.