… is to become strong enough to have a big black guy ride on my back, and to have bricks of gold surgically embedded inside my calves. But that’s just me. What’s your resolution?

https://youtube.com/watch?v=YWoNIrMYJc8%26hl%3Den_US%26fs%3D1%26

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

8 replies on “My New Year’s Resolution…”

  1. My plan was to quit drinking on New Year’s Day. I’m starting to have serious second thoughts however. Watching the utter implosion of the country that I love so much has definite advantages from the vantage-point of the bottom of an empty vodka bottle. In fact it can be a lot of fun! Better to giggle when shit-faced than to weep with your faculties intact. The last ten years have been such an utter train wreck that it is difficult – if not impossible – to take it all in in any other condition than complete, alcohol-induced giddiness. When one is forced to witness the total decline of what used to be a grand civilization, it generally is a good rule-of-thumb to have an artificial stimulant at the ready. Heroin is too expensive and marijuana gives me terrible anxiety attacks. So make it one for my baby and one more for the road, Joe….

    Was that decade just a horrible nightmare? Of course I’m being facetious, but there were more-than-a-few times during during the last ten years – particularly during the time the Bush Mob was in power – that I would awaken suddenly in the middle of the night and say out loud,

    “Did I dream that?”
    “Is Bush seriously president?”
    “Did we actually invade Iraq?”
    “Are the Spice Girls really number one?”

    And a special tip of the old fedora to George W. Bush. Anyone who can make me nostalgic for the likes of Richard Nixon and Ronald Reagan has a certain talent, no doubt about it. His entire eight-year-reign seems almost surreal in hindsight. In a twisted and cynical paraphrasing of Charles Dickens, “It was the worst of times. It was the worst of times.” What a long, strange trip it’s been. As the great Hunter Thompson liked to say, “Buy the Ticket. Take the ride.”

    http://www.tomdegan.blogspot.com

    Tom Degan
    Goshen NY

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