Probably some of you have to work on Thursday. Still others don’t celebrate Thanksgiving, I’m sure. Me? I woke up today and realized I’m more excited for the holiday than common sense would dictate. If you still need a bit of prodding, check out this new video from the folks at Funnelbox Production Studios in […]
Biscuits
Posted inBiscuits
Sponsor Team Mercuroke! (Or Me!)
Hey! You like Ethos, that great non-profit that provided music education to low-income kids, right? Well, here’s a great way to make sure they keep on doing what they’re doing: Sponsor the Portland Mercury team (AKA Team Mercuroke!) or myself in next week’s Ethos-a-roke Challenge! Teams from all over the city are battling to see […]
Posted inBiscuits
Say “No” to Reefer, and “Yes” to ROLLER SKATING!
My love for roller skating is well documented. However, I never knew how much more I love roller skating than crack cocaine and graffiti, until I saw the newest commercial for Reno, Nevada’s Roller Kingdom, directed by the “I Love Local Commercials” guys Rhett and Link! (Roller Skating also prevents unplanned pregnancies. I did not […]
Posted inMovies & TV
“Are You the George Clooney of Your Market?”: A Blogtown Poll
We get a lot of emails from publicists pushing everything from recording artists to authors to booze to anal beads—most are not worthy of your attention. HOWEVER! The following publicist email regarding motivational author Andrew Sobel caught my eye: “I’m the YOU of my market.” Are You the George Clooney of Your Market? Hoboken, NJ […]
Posted inMedia
The Latest Secret Weapon in America’s “Battle of the Bulge”? Why, it’s John Canzano!
John Canzano is not taking credit for helping this man lose weight. No doubt thanks to the subtle power of his smooth radio voice and even smoother newspaper prose—plus a refusal to worry too hard about hurting someone’s feelings or, maybe, violating their privacy—Oregonian sports columnist John Canzano has officially emerged as our nation’s best […]
Posted inSex
Introducing… My Newest Sex Toy
An astute Seattle reader sent this in after seeing it in a Ballard supermarket: Sure, I suppose one could use it for fishing… however, I’ll be using it to augment my already formidable sexual technique. Which begs the question:
Posted inNews
Breaking Christmas Tree News
Well, here’s the deal: Tallest tree goes to Phoenix, making up for lack of any weather. Heaviest, SF—who cares? Brightest, Salt Lake, powered by Joseph Smith’s memory. I’m a little upset that Portland doesn’t even make this list… but maybe we’ll get on the map now that someone tried to blow ours up (too soon?). […]
Posted inBiscuits
Hey Fatty Marmot! Put Down the Biscuit!
Hey Marmot! You are one fat fuck, marmot. Look at you! Seriously, is this how you spend your day? Sitting on a leopard-print bedspread, eating the fuck out of a biscuit? YOU’RE DISGUSTING! How can you have any respect for yourself? You look like someone poured 30 lbs. of gravy into a 5 lb. plastic […]
Posted inBiscuits
Mmmm, Mercury Column
As if you weren’t excited enough about our birthday, let us fondly look back at our investigative journalism coup de grace: God, I’m hungry.
Posted inMusic
Today in Bollywood Disco
Blogtown Tipper Kip alerts us to the following dollop of Bollywood amazingness! I say we should take… oh, maybe 30 minutes… learn the entire dance and perform it in City Council next Wednesday! Eternal thanks, Kip! Got a tip to share with your Blogtown friends and neighbors? Hit the Blogtown Tipper next to our logo!
Posted inBiscuits
My New Year’s Resolution…
… is to become strong enough to have a big black guy ride on my back, and to have bricks of gold surgically embedded inside my calves. But that’s just me. What’s your resolution?
Posted inBiscuits
What I Got for Christmas, and WHAT YOU DIDN’T
Well, well, well… look what I got for Christmas, and WHAT YOU DIDN’T!! Connect Four, bitches!! Merlin, bitches!! Simon, bitches!! I got one of these, too. Sorry I called you “bitches.” Bitches.