Hey Marmot! You are one fat fuck, marmot. Look at you! Seriously, is this how you spend your day? Sitting on a leopard-print bedspread, eating the fuck out of a biscuit? YOU’RE DISGUSTING! How can you have any respect for yourself? You look like someone poured 30 lbs. of gravy into a 5 lb. plastic bag, and then painted it to look something like a marmot. BUT THEY FAILED! Because you’re so fucking fat, you don’t even look like a marmot! It’s like a hippo fucked a beaver, and you’re what came out. Get on a diet, for the love of Christ! Ride a bicycle… DO SOMETHING. Do something other than just sitting on your humongous ass on a leopard-print bedspread, eating a biscuit, and grossing me the fuck out.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION!!
Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.) More by Wm. Steven Humphrey
This is great.
He looks like Hurley.
This made me laugh and laugh. Thanks EWSH.