This is the very last weekend before Christmas, and if you still haven't gotten your presents situation all wrapped up, the properly titled "Oh Sh!t" gift fair will give you the help you require. But if you've gotten your giving all squared away, give yourself some love in the form of a visit to Astroworld, or a seat at Matt Braunger's show? Pioneer Courthouse Square is known as “portland’s living room” but the Hollywood Theatre seems to be taking over that title by turning their giant screen into the nostalgia powered TV of your childhood dreams all weekend long, with Die Hard, A Christmas Story, It's a Wonderful Life, and some... less-than-cheery options to revel in. And that's just a stocking stuffer compared to what's underneath this fully loaded tree of a weekend. Hit the links below and open your presents early.

Jump to: Friday | Saturday | Sunday

Friday, Dec 21

Matt Braunger
Everyone’s home for the holidays, and that includes comedian Matt Braunger, who grew up here right here in the Rose City. Braunger’s hilarious, of course—just check out his 2015 album Big, Dumb Animal for instant proof—and that would be reason enough to go, but this show’s bound to be something special, with the promise of special guests and other delights in store. (8 pm, Aladdin Theater, $20, all ages) NED LANNAMANN

Sad Day: Funeral for White Women
Pussy hats, TERFs, calling the police on petty annoyances, and don’t forget the 47 percent that voted for Donald Trump—white women have a lot to answer for. If white women have done you wrong, this drag show is for you. DJ and performer Patrick Buckmaster always shocks and inspires with Sad Day’s themes, which have included clowns, strippers, and gender reveal parties. If you’re feeling sore about it, the good news is Sad Day is also a great place to cry. (9:30 pm, Tonic Lounge, $10, free for POC) SUZETTE SMITH

Aminé, Buddy
I think by now we’re all familiar with AminĂ©, the Portland-raised rapper who went viral in 2016 with hit single “Caroline.” AminĂ© also recently got attention for paying for a “Yes, There Are Black People In Portland” billboard. Playing dual hometown shows right around the holidays has become something of a tradition for the rapper ever since being launched into the mainstream, and typically he brings along some surprise guest performers. This year the bill’s got support in Compton rapper/singer Buddy, who is just as deserving of a major spotlight. His debut album Harlan & Alondra contains exceptional gems, like “Trouble On Central,” “Shameless,” and especially single/closing track “Shine.” (8 pm, Roseland, $25, all ages) JENNI MOORE

Sera Cahoone & Friends, Nick Delffs, Led To Sea
Nick Delffs cut his teeth as the principal songwriter in the Shaky Hands, one of the best and buzziest Portland indie rock bands of the last decade. The three records that group released—especially their 2007 self-titled debut—hold up surprisingly well, largely thanks to Delffs’ stellar songwriting. Tracks like “Whales Sing” and “Sunburns” wouldn’t seem out of place on one of the more beloved Elephant 6 albums. Delffs’ more recent work as a solo artist is unsurprisingly great—his 2017 LP Redesign, which is the first record he’s released under his proper name and not the solo moniker Death Songs, is restrained and decidedly mature. Nick Delffs may have lost his throaty bleat and jittery sensibilities with youth, but his newer songs are every bit as tuneful and adventurous. (9 pm, Doug Fir, $12-15) MORGAN TROPER

Emo Nite
Holocene hosts a special holiday weekend edition of the beloved recurring dance night (FKA Taking Back Tuesday) celebrating emo music of the late '90s and mid 2000s in all its glory. (9 pm, Holocene, $10)

It's a Wonderful Life
The holiday classic beloved by those valiantly fighting the slow, crushing, and inevitable truth that their lives have not mattered at all! The cherished Christmas tradition, remembered fondly as a black-and-white barrel of warm fuzzies, about a suicidal child abuse victim whose fuckup uncle nearly sinks his savings and loan, but realizes abandoning his wife and children for all eternity to roast in Hell is a bad idea thanks to a helpful guardian angel who shows him how much shittier his tycoon-ruled small town would be if he wasn't in it. MERRY CHRISTMAS, BEDFORD FALLS! (6:30 pm, Hollywood Theatre, $7-9) BOBBY ROBERTS

Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale
What if Santa were actually buried under a mountain in northern Finland, an unforgiving winterscape populated by wolves, reindeer, and a few burly, hardscabble men? Excavators unearth him a few days before Christmas, and now this naked, feral Santa's out for the blood of children. Rare Exports is effectively creepy, and the icy locations in Lapland are stunning. (9:30 pm, Hollywood Theatre, $7-9) NED LANNAMANN

A Very Trashy X-Mas Variety Show
Wallow in some goddamn trash this holiday season, and help raise money for The Living Room while you behold the burlesque wonders performed by some of the city's finest trash queens, stand-ups, performance artists, and other unique talents. Hosted by Valerie DeVille, with sounds by DJ Aurora. (9 pm, Crush, $10-12)

Satanic Xmas Party
So you've streamed all of Sabrina the Teenage Witch and you want a little more SATAN in your holiday? GOOD NEWS! Bryson Cone, the Wet Dream Committee, and Starship Infinity are down to fill that need. HAIL. (9 pm, The Fixin' To, $6.66, see what they did there? SATAN!)

Twist Your Dickens
Portland Center Stage presents the Second City's Christmas spoof Twist Your Dickens, directed by returning director Ron West and featuring some of the city's finest stage performers, including Nicholas Kessler, Rebecca Sohn, Bobby Mort, Chantal DeGroat, and more. (7:30 pm, Portland Center Stage, $25-82)

Saturday, Dec 22

XRAY.FM Presents: Mall Takeover!
Depending on your age, disposition, and levels of patience, the mall can either be a reminder of the venomous fangs of consumerism and American gluttony or the greatest thing in the entire fucking world. With the final installment of XRAY.fm’s Mall Takeover, Lloyd Center ebbs a little more toward the latter. Come find your favorite DJs spinning rare and bodacious vinyl offerings and stay for live tunes from Kayela J, along with a showcase from Friends of Noise. Shop at the local joints to stick it to the corps and get nice and cozy with the best radio station on the planet. (3 pm, Lloyd Center Mall, free, all ages) RYAN J. PRADO

Travis Scott
The Rose City is about to feel the full force of Travis Scott going sicko mode at the Moda when his "Astroworld: Wish You Were Here" tour comes through town, and he'll probably be a li'l more amped than usual considering just last week Kanye ran his mouth on twitter about him. Even if he doesn't address the beef (he probably shouldn't) it's likely gonna be one hell of a night. (7:30 pm, Moda Center, $26-166)

Natasha Leggero & Moshe Kasher
One of comedian Natasha Leggero’s greatest strengths is her crowd work, and now that’s she’s married to (the also very funny) Moshe Kasher, this pair of laugh-makers are legitimately qualified to offer their audiences on-point relationship advice. Though it shouldn’t be very difficult, drag your partner to this show, confess your deepest relationship problems to Natasha and Moshe, and prepare to be buried alive underneath a pile of hilarious knowledge, opinions, and (of course) jokes from this charming dynamic duo of comedy. (7:30 pm & 10 pm, Helium Comedy Club, $25) WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY

Renegade Craft Fair
It's true there are a lot of craft fairs in this city, but Renegade Craft Fair is one of the bigger and better ones, particularly since it adds a healthy sprinkling of vendors traveling from out of state to mix in with some of our own region's all-stars. (Sat-Sun 11 am, Pure Space, free) MARJORIE SKINNER

From Smiths to Smithereens: Portland's Tribute to '80s College Rock
Tonight’s show features a handful of great and diverse Portland acts paying tribute to alternative rock’s forebears: heavyweights like the Smiths and the Smithereens (obviously), but hopefully also underrated icons of the era like the dBs, Let’s Active, and XTC. The show also benefits p:ear, an organization that pledges to form relationships with homeless and transitional youth through art and education. (7:30 pm, Doug Fir, $15-18) MORGAN TROPER

Animated Christmas
Hollywood Theatre curators Greg Hamilton and the Phantom Hillbilly present their annual holiday showcase of rare short films and televised treats on both 16mm and VHS, including the rarely seen Paul Anka vehicle George and the Christmas Star, as well as A Cosmic Christmas and The Mole and the Christmas Tree. (2 pm, Hollywood Theatre, $7-9)

Die Hard Double Feature
It's sort of amazing how re-watchable Die Hard really is, especially on a giant theater screen—a large part of this film's place in the Christmas movie pantheon is a result of every pan, swoop, and lens flare barreling through Jan DeBont's camera lending the bloody, blue-collar madness an air of legitimate magic. And that magic is exponentially amplified the bigger the picture can be projected. Die Hard is so rewatchable that you might not even mind sitting through its subpar first sequel, especially since almost every moment that works in Renny Harlin's Die Harder is basically a riff on something that John McTiernan did in the first movie. (6:30 & 9:30 pm, Hollywood Theatre) BOBBY ROBERTS

Saturnalia Special: Gold Casio, Karma Rivera
Portland’s Gold Casio melds campy, gold-plated disco with glitchy indie-pop, and the result is groovy and danceable—you can’t avoid this boogie fever, so might as well let it infect you. (9 pm, Holocene, $5-8) CIARA DOLAN

Speaker Minds, Courtney Noe, Kung Fu Vinyl
Speaker Minds bring their up-tempo hip-hop, funk, and soul fusion to the Mississippi Studios stage to head up a hometown show with support from Courtney Noe and Kung Fu Vinyl. (9 pm, Mississippi Studios, $5)

Keith & Tex, Winston Jarrett
Jamaican reggae stars Keith Rowe, Phillip Texas Dixon, and Winston Jarrett celebrate the holidays with a vintage ska and rocksteady showcase at the Jack London Revue. (9 pm, Jack London Revue, $20)

Sunday, Dec 23

Oh Sh!t: Last Minute Gift Fair
If you’ve put off buying someone a gift until this point, it’s probably because they’re so damn hard to shop for. Impress them by picking up a one-of-a-kind item at this fair hosted by Know Your City, a local art and social justice collective that showcases the creative work of LGBTQ people and people of color. It’s worth stopping by even if you’ve already wrapped up your holiday shopping—you deserve to buy yourself something special this season, too. (noon, Enthusiasm Collective, free) BLAIR STENVICK

The Alliance presents: Andy Haynes and Wilfred Padua
Co-hosts of the Miss Me With That comedy friend podcast Andy Haynes and Wilfred Padua headline Corina Lucas and Jake Silberman’s the Alliance with their biting, irreverent, humor about... IDK mostly shoes and dating? The two former Seattleites (now they’re New Yawkers) deliver jokes that are somewhere between a breath of fresh air and a risky bit about the caravan you’re not sure if you’re supposed to protest. (9 pm, Alberta Street Pub, $10) SUZETTE SMITH

Mattress, Petit Poucet
Portland crooner Rex Marshall (AKA Mattress) transforms Rontoms into an old-school Las Vegas casino with his experimental blend of soul and lounge music. (8 pm, Rontoms, free)

Black Christmas
The 1976 Christmas-themed slasher flick starring Margot Kidder and Olivia Hussey, more or less regarded as the grandmother of the slasher film. Directed by the guy who made A Christmas Story. (9:30 pm, Hollywood Theatre, $7-9)

A Christmas Story
It’s the holiday classic that won’t go away! SEE! A shitty little kid rip his tongue raw on an icy pole! HEAR! The glorious collection of syllables that is “Scut Farkus.” WINCE! At that super-racist scene where they go to the Chinese restaurant! CHEER! As Santa kicks a little kid in the face! Directed by the guy who made Porky’s. (6:30 pm, Hollywood Theatre, $7-9) BOBBY ROBERTS

It's a Tony Starlight Christmas!
If you like your holiday swinging with a dose of cocktails, check out It's a Tony Starlight Christmas, in which Portland's fave crooner is joined by a rat pack of talented singers to perform classic holiday hits (and comedy) in the style of Frank, Dino, Liza, Bing, and more. (6 pm, The Tony Starlight Showroom, $30-70)

Five Buck Chuckles
Andie Main's Cool Kids Comedy showcase returns to the Doug Fir Lounge for a special wintertime installment, bringing you quality stand-up from Adam Pasi, Amanda Arnold, Becky Braunstein, and Molly Elwood on the cheap. (9 pm, Doug Fir, $5-8)

Don't forget to check out our Things To Do calendar for even more things to do!