Riddle: What has two thumbs and is a deadly, lying sack of shit? (Psst. Its FOX News Sean Hannity.)
Riddle: What has two thumbs and is a deadly, lying sack of shit? (Psst. It's FOX News' Sean Hannity.) Ed Rode / Getty Images

Here's your daily roundup of all the local and national news about COVID-19. (Like our coverage? Please consider donating to the Mercury to keep it comin'!)

• The strict social distancing measures taken to stop the spread of COVID-19 in the Seattle metro area appear to be paying off. Hospitals haven't been overwhelmed with COVID-19 patients, the death rate has slowed, and expert analysis shows that the overall spread in the region is decelerating.

• New statistical modeling shows Oregon is on the right path to flattening our state's coronavirus curve.

• As of today there are 606 positive coronavirus cases in Oregon (that we know of), and COVID-related deaths have increased by three to 16.

• On Sunday, the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) announced that Oregon now qualifies for special emergency funding due to the spread of COVID-19. That spending could go towards temporary hospitals, mortuary costs, or other emergency solutions to combat this virus.

• Small businesses in Portland can now apply for up to $10,000 in emergency grant funding—and by now, we mean now: Businesses have until the end of April 1 to apply. Our Alex Zielinski has the details here.

• Meanwhile, 31 small businesses in the Jade District have received grants from the City of Portland to make up from business lost thanks to xenophobic reactions to COVID-19.

• Twelve out of OHSU's 846 nurses, doctors, and other staff have tested positive for COVID-19. The statistics were made public during a press conference emphasizing mask and safety equipment shortages.

• Rogue Spirits is joining other Oregon Distilleries in making hand sanitizer and donating it to first responders and emergency workers. Wm. Steven Humphrey has the full story.

• Feeling extra-stressed by current events and looking for ways to productively manage it? Oregon State University is offering an online course, free to the public (and accredited for OSU students) on how to do just that.

IN NATIONAL NEWS:

• Vanity Fair correspondent and Loudest Voice in the Room author Gabriel Sherman says Fox is internally stressing out over the increasing possibility they'll face widespread legal action when their viewers start dying as a result of treating the Coronavirus like a "hoax."

• The $2 trillion stimulus was officially signed into law, but the realization that this is going to go on longer than some lawmakers expected has prompted Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi to begin pushing another stimulus bill for passage.

• Over 100 Amazon workers in New York walked out of work on Monday as part of a protest action demanding increased protective gear as well as hazard pay. In related news, Amazon owner Jeff Bezos' personal worth is currently estimated to be $119.9 billion.

• In a possible look at Portland's very near-future, San Francisco Mayor London Breed has extended the Bay Area's Shelter in Place order to last until May 1.

• Yes, you're stuck at home, but now you can see the world—including virtual tours of Hawai'i volcanoes, the Great Wall of China, and more—with this great roundup from the Mercury that will help you escape safely!

• Need even MORE fun stuff to do while quarantined? Check out our new and very creative list of "The Best Things to Do (While Staying Home and Staying Safe) in Portland This Week."

• And finally, please ALL RISE FOR THE (current) NATIONAL ANTHEM: