In the Winter of 2014, I lost control of my motorcycle and went head first into a tree. After being rushed to the hospital, I was diagnosed with a traumatic brain injury, among other things (broken bones, road rash…etc). My symptoms were as follows: a change in mental status with my IQ lowering to the […]
Blogs
Posted inSports
The Golden State Warriors and Logic Prevail, Trail Blazers Lose
On the way to the Moda center last night, amongst all the fans jaywalking to the arena, and the ones guzzling beers before the game at Dr. Jacks, the ratio of blue and gold to red and black was most definitely skewed in the Golden State Warrior’s favor. Normally I glare in their direction and […]
Posted inNewsblast!
Good Morning, News!: A New Epoch, a 15-Year Standoff, and No Pants On the MAX
Saturday, glorious Saturday. Let’s have some news! Remember to buy your Powerball tickets today. The jackpot has shot up to $900 million, the largest ever. Want to ride the MAX without pants for a good cause? Join the No Pants MAX Ride group at 2 pm on Sunday under the Burnside Bridge. Brrrr. Even Harney […]
Posted inMovies & TV
“This Is a Working Man’s Art Form”: Talking Film with Quentin Tarantino, Ridley Scott, Alejandro González Iñárritu, and More
Joy‘s David O. Russell and The Revenant‘s Alejandro González Iñárritu. As part of 2015 film roundup, the Hollywood Reporter wrangled together the six men (and, yes, sadly, they’re all men) whom they deemed to be “the year’s most notable directors.” The result: a roundtable discussion about the current state of film, featuring The Hateful Eight‘s […]
Posted inNews
If You Win Saturday’s Powerball Jackpot, Here’s What You Could Buy with $800M
At 8 pm on Saturday, Jan 9 (that’s tomorrow), the magic numbers for the largest Powerball jackpot in history will be drawn. Lottery officials are estimating the jackpot will be $800 million. Your chances of winning are 1 in 292 million. Let’s pretend you’re really that lucky. First of all, you have a giant of […]
Posted inI, Anonymous
Who’s Who Here
You call me an ass for telling you go smoke somewhere else. I tell you go eat my ass. You call me a bitch. I say bitches love to eat my ass. I call you ugly. You call me a faggot. I say I love faggots, I hope you die. You say I bet you […]
Posted inNews
Portlanders Just Showed Up For A Homeless Resident Who Wants to Be A Cabbie
Sean Martinez, maybe your next cabbie. In these days of slackened taxi business, it’s not cheap to become a Portland cabbie. It costs anywhere from $75 to $100 for the background check the City of Portland administers, depending on what kind of driving you’d like to do. Then there are fees for drug tests, and […]
Posted inEvents
It’s Happening This Weekend!
FRIDAY, JANUARY 8 MUSIC—Four vocalists, a horn section, and minimal crotch-grabbing, but still a lot of entertainment in Foreverland’s renditions of all your Michael Jackson faves. The 14-piece band formed in 2009 just before the King of Pop kicked and have been touring in his memory ever since. Go, dance, and sing along. SHELBY R. KINGw/Dr. […]
Posted inComedy
New Column: Ask a Militia Patriot Occupying a Federal Bird Sanctuary
Dear Militia Patriot Occupying a Federal Bird Sanctuary: We are ardent “birders,” and during our last visit to Oregon’s Malheur National Wildlife Refuge, my husband swears he saw a preponderance of great blue herons… but I insist what he actually saw were greater sandhill cranes. Who is right?—Margaret Fenster, Duluth, Georgia DEAR MARGARET: The federal […]
Posted inPolitics
Introducing: Dirty Bernie, the Phone Sex Hotline from Everybody’s Favorite Democratic-Socialist
Mike Force You don’t have to be a member of the billionaire class to get a piece of that presidential ass. In this inaugural episode, Dirty Bernie puts the dirty back in dirty talk—to telephonically satisfy Vanessa from Portland and Timothy from Seattle. Listen in and get off now. And remember, you can’t spell “socialism” […]
Posted inPolitics
Planned Parenthood and NARAL Endorse Hillary Clinton for President
United States Department of State via Wikimedia Commons This week, the nation’s two largest reproductive rights advocacy groups endorsed Hillary Clinton for president. Planned Parenthood Action and NARAL Pro-Choice America came out with public endorsements, in what’s a bit of a shake-up for both organizations—though arguably most pointedly in the case of Planned Parenthood, which […]
Posted inTV
The Deadwood Reunion Movie: IT… IS… ON!
For those who are still sweating the unsatisfying death of HBO’s cuss-filled western series Deadwood, get ready for some very good news: HBO prez Michael Lombardo has confirmed that he has given series creator David Milch the green light for a Deadwood movie. From TV Line: “David has our commitment that we are going to […]