ANGELA STERLING I hate The Nutcracker. I hate, hate, hate it. From the age of 4 to 14, I was forced to participate in its production every year. My mother, a former ballerina of the School of American Ballet, put me in ballet classes as soon as I could walk, and I stayed in ballet […]
Holiday
Posted inHoliday
Christmas Is Bigger Than Trump. Don’t Let Him Steal Your Capacity for Awe
You can have my yuletide joy when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers. Jessica Stein Have you read Charles Mudede’s piece “How Trump Turned Christmas Films into Horror Films“? If not, go read it! Then come back here. He makes such a moving, convincing case about the horrors of Christmas in the Trump […]
Posted inTheater & Performance
A Cure for Holiday Theater Season
Scroogey, Cheer Up! With Strippers, Christmas Elves, and the Case for Ballet
Scroogey, cheer up! With strippers, Christmas elves, and the case for ballet.
Posted inMusic
May Fiona Apple’s “Trump’s Nuts” Become the Holiday Classic It Deserves to Be
As much as I don’t want to picture Trump’s nuts in any context at all, including and especially dangling over an open flame, I hope this incisive, funny (and only slightly juvenile) version of “Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire” is sung ‘cross the nation for at least the next four years. We await the […]
Posted inPANIC!
Tips for Surviving Your Racist Family Thanksgiving
iStock/KarenFoleyPhotography [Here are some wise words from former Portlander/current Denver resident and verrry funny comedian Andie Main that she wrote for us in 2016—and yet still hold true today!—eds] Tips for Surviving Your Racist Family Thanksgiving 1) Steel your nerves in the car before entering the house by watching the opening scene of Saving Private […]
Posted inHoliday
Don’t Do New Year’s Wrong!
If you’re not celebrating New Year’s Eve like this vintage movie theater intermission clip suggests… YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG.
Posted inEvent
It’s Your New Year’s Eve Party Planner!
WOODPHONE RECORDS IT ALL COMES DOWN TO THIS: One final night, one final party, one final showdown to exercise (and/or exorcise) all your hopes, dreams, wishes, fantasies, and dance moves for the year 2015. You’re only gonna get one shot at this. So don’t blow it! Fortunately, the Mercury is here with our annual New […]
Posted inHoliday
The Only Christmas Medley You Will Ever Need (Or Want)
Behold this clip from the 1976 Sonny and Cher Christmas Special, featuring the following: • Sonny and Cher (at that time, divorced)• Bernadette Peters• Captain Kangaroo (!)• Shields and Yarnell (trigger warning alert: mimes)• Poor little awkward Chastity Bono • And the moment starting at 2:05 which makes it allllll worth it. HAPPY HOLIDAYS, EVERYBODY!
Posted inHoliday
My Last Minute Christmas Wish List!
The “Swing Wing” A Sony Walkman Milky the Marvelous Milking Cow Much more after the jump! (Sorry, Santa!) Evel Knievel Bicycle Charlie’s Angels Dolls Robot Commando G.I. Joe with Kung-Fu Grip Baby Laugh a Lot And especially, “Cairo Swordsman”
Posted inArtsy
At the Pony Club Gallery, You Better Watch Out for Krampus the Christmas Demon!
Sylvia Mann KRAMPUS! Is coming! To town! Everywhere you go in December, there are Christmas decorations, pop-up shops, and gift guides, but walk into the Pony Club Gallery and you’re greeted by walls decked with evil. This is what a Krampus-themed art show looks like: a life-size faux fireplace shaped like the holiday demon’s face […]
Posted inHoliday
If You’re Going to Believe in Anything… Make it Santa
I’ve decided. If I’m going to believe in any supernatural being, it’s going to be Santa. Here’s why: 1) Santa walks the walk. Jesus said it’s better to give than receive, and he did give away a lot of stuff (loaves and fishes, yo!)—but comparatively? He’s no Santa. Some will screech, “OH! BUT JESUS GAVE […]
Posted inHoliday
Uh-Oh… The Washington Post Wrote About Portland’s “Hipster Santa”
First, you know you’re in trouble when you get a Washington Post headline like this…. Kidless adults in Portland, Ore., are waiting 90 minutes to visit Hipster Santa Then the trouble multiplies exponentially when the lede is this… The mall couldn’t have a traditional Santa Claus because it’s in Portland. In the Oregon city that […]