Pool / Getty This morning we followed the testimony of Dr. Christine Blasey Ford who appeared before the Senate Judiciary Committee—well, some of the committee, since Republicans were too frightened of the optics of 11 white dudes grilling a sexual assault survivor—and as everyone pretty much expected, Dr. Blasey’s story was heartrending, completely credible, and […]
National Politics
Posted inNational Politics
Got 30 Seconds? Then Make Sure You’re Registered to Vote!
CSA IMAGES / GETTY IMAGES Fellow Portland Americans! While I am absolutely confident that most of you are itching to vote in the November midterm elections—since, after all, it is the MOST IMPORTANT ELECTION of our lifetime, thanks to Trump and the GOP’s continuing efforts to overturn our democracy—it is extremely important for you to […]
Posted inNational Politics
Televangelist Warlock Pat Robertson Casts Spell on Hurricane Florence
Pat Robertson: “Bubble, bubble! Toil and trouble!” Courtesy YouTube As you know, the Southeastern United States is bracing itself for Hurricane Florence, a category 4 storm that could cause “catastrophic” damage once it reaches landfall this Friday. Millions of residents have been ordered to move inland, and Imbecile-in-Chief Donald Trump is keeping himself busy by […]
Posted inNational Politics
Report: Trump Wanted to Put a South Korean Missile Defense System “In Portland,” Because… ??
South Korea announces THAAD program. Chung Sung-Jun / Staff/ Getty Images News Bob Woodward’s new book on the Trump White House, Fear, is a never-ending fount of weirdness, hilarity, and horror. In one particularly interesting segment (for Portlanders), Trump pitched one of his famous hissy-fits when he discovered that a missile defense system that was […]
Posted inNational Politics
Twitter Justice: Ted Cruz Tries to Shame Beto O’Rourke; Hits Self In Nuts
Young Beto O’Rourke and Young Ted Cruz: Make Your Choice, America! One of the most exciting and watched Senate races is happening (clap-clap-clap-clap) deep in the heart of Texas between human ferret and probable Zodiac Killer Ted Cruz, and progressive dreamboat Beto O’Rourke. Currently O’Rourke is only trailing Cruz by one percentage point in the […]
Posted inComedy
Trump Announces Presidency Was an Elaborate Prank Show Called Trump’d
WASHINGTON, DC—In a shocking announcement on Tuesday, “President” Donald J. Trump announced that his entire 18-month tenure as commander-in-chief has been a prank for a new show he’s developing for NBC called Trump’d. “John McCain was no war hero,” Trump said when asked what he thought of the recently deceased US Senator from Arizona. “I […]
Posted inComedy
Unite the Right 2’s Group Chat Explains Small Turnout
Sunday’s “Unite the Right 2” rally in DC was, by all accounts, very poorly attended. Fewer than 30 white nationalists showed up and were far outnumbered by counter-protestors. There have been a few reasons given for the lower turnout, including the “bad optics” of last year’s rally and the backlash many white nationalists have experienced […]
Posted inComedy
Let’s Play “Real Trump Tweets? Or Some Shit I Wrote After Four Rosés?”
ON HIS WRITING SKILLS A: “After having written many best selling books, and somewhat priding myself on my ability to write, it should be noted that the Fake News constantly likes to pore over my tweets looking for a mistake. I capitalize certain words only for emphasis, not b/c they should be capitalized!” B: “I […]
Posted inNews
The Asylum Seeker
He Could Be Killed If He’s Sent Back to Russia. So Why Won’t a Portland Judge Let Him Stay?
He could be killed if he is sent back to Russia. So why won’t the judge let him stay?
Posted inNational Politics
What’s She Mad About Now: It Can’t Happen Here
There were people who saw the authoritarian in Trump from day one, and they sounded the alarm. But at that point, we had been crying “Nazi” on the internet for so long, it had become a trope. This inspired attorney Michael Godwin to create Godwin’s Law, essentially saying that the first person to invoke a […]
Posted inGossip
One Day at a Time: Another Win for #TeamHeckle
McConnell retreats inside his shell. Getty Images WEDNESDAY, JULY 11 Here’s a nice bit of news: The creepy schemer behind Trump’s rigged Supreme Court, Senate Majority Turtle Mitch McConnell, got heckled out of a restaurant this week—for the “second time in two days,” reports Eater! In Louisville, “Protesters followed the senate majority leader to his […]
Posted inComedy
It Can’t Happen Here
There were people who saw the authoritarian in Trump from day one, and they sounded the alarm. But at that point, we had been crying “Nazi” on the internet for so long, it had become a trope. This inspired attorney Michael Godwin to create Godwin’s Law, essentially saying that the first person to invoke a […]