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Wolfgang Puck and Emeril Lagasse are two of the shittiest chefs in the entire world. Puck’s mass-marketed canned soups taste like they were scraped off the floor of a chemical factory, and Lagasse’s “Emeril” brand spaghetti sauces are as nuanced as packets of ketchup. So forget those two hacks, the best chefs are those who […]

Even in the middle of a weekday, Alberta street feels like some laidback college town, with sloppily dressed youngish folks parked in coffee shops, paging through magazines or passionately discussing Nietzsche’s influence on the existentialist movement. More so than the restaurants, boutiques, or bars on this exploding avenue, Alberta’s coffee shops have a range of […]

There are certain foods that are distinctively summery, and fish and chips isn’t necessarily one of them. Gazpacho, sure. Watermelon, of course. But a flaky, fried plate of fish and fries–well that sounds more like a winter dish. Strangely enough, though, fish and chips have found their footing as a summer meal, served on sunny […]

Patanegra 1818 NW 23rd Pl. 227-7282 In restaurants, there are lots of things I can forgive. Overcooked food isn’t one of them. In almost every case, I like food rare or just done. Broccoli that’s still crunchy, beef that’s bloody and flavorful, and even pork that’s cooked just enough not to give me trichinosis. Patanegra–while […]

820 Lounge 820 N Russell, 284-5518 820 would be way more cheesy and yuppie were it not located in North Portland. Thankfully, this non-smoking liquor haven keeps its boozer cred by serving incredible drinks–the Passion Fruit Twirl is my latest favorite, followed by the citrusy Fresh. Before you go, though, just make sure you’ve got […]

The exact cause of hangovers remains elusive. Dehydration, blood acid levels, and impurities in last night’s drink(s) are all possible culprits in making you feel like a swollen hemorrhoid on a camel’s ass. And unfortunately, there is no real cure–“hair of the dog,” coffee, cold showers, and any other remedies you’ve heard about are a […]

Recently, I realized something. If my debaucherous behavior didn’t have consequences, I’d be a raging alcoholic all the time. On Monday mornings, I’d wake up, call in sick to work, have a few mimosas, ring up one of my restaurant industry friends, have ’em bring over some blow, snort it, and then engage in some […]

Almost five years ago, at the end of a particularly hedonistic summer, I decided I was an alcoholic and checked myself into a treatment center. I fondly call this place “The Dryer.” In the year following I did everything an alcoholic who had checked into a dryer should: I reflected deeply, I appreciated greatly, and […]