Next week, among the more serious items on their agenda, Portland city commissioners will officially decide which changes to the city’s charter (essentially, Portland’s constitution) voters will get to decide on come this May.
None of the proposed changes is world-shattering. In fact—aside from two amendments that would open to scrutiny a pair of secretive, if small, discretionary funds used by the mayor and council—they’re impossibly small. But you know what else? The changes are educational. And unintentionally hilarious.
For instance! Did you know Portland’s charter currently charges the council with clamping down on vagrants and paupers? Also obscenity. And, for good measure, “the exhibition of deformed or crippled persons.” Now you do. And now, in May, you’ll be able to say yes to all those things. Sort of.
It also says: The Chief Constable gets one whole pig every month, and 3 comely lasses of virtue true.
Before it’s too late I’m going to support, restrain, punish, and employ a pauper. Not necessarily in that order.
“Portland’s charter currently charges the council with clamping down on vagrants and paupers?”
I’m giving them an F on that one.
I thought the whole point of the charter review commission was that they didn’t need council approval to refer things to the ballot?
Also, I’ll point out that they were supposed to have wrapped up months ago and these housekeeping issues were supposed to be on November’s ballot. But wait, Fritz is all about responsible use of public money…
What does this mean for your staff?
Given that the state has no actual obscenity code, that 2-105(a)(51) seems a good section to remove.