Credit: M. Davis

Today is the most important day on the entire City of Portland calendar: Mayor Adams’ birthday! It’s a good thing, too, because according to the Internet that’s about the only interesting thing that has even happened on this day (except, uh, the signing of the Treaty of Paris) and we still have nineteen long days before the birthday of the actual Sam Adams.

But anyway, it’s Mayor Adams’ birthday and that raises the major question: what should we buy Sam for his special day? According to Wikipedia, he’s turning 46.

adamsbirthday.jpg
  • Photoshopping – M. Davis

Birthdays are strange events for Portland politicians because city employees cannot accept gifts for over $25 from anyone other than their families. Plus, they have to report all gifts under $25 to the city auditor’s office. Matt and I are both 100% excited about chipping in up $12.50 each to buy Sam a gift that will be both excellent and slightly embarrassing to report. So… what should it be?

A Super Soaker Sneak Attack 4 Way? A gift certificate to the Sandy Hut? A can of Poop Freeze?

Suggest away in the comments! We promise to actually purchase and deliver the best item suggested.

Sarah Shay Mirk reported on transportation, sex and gender issues, and politics at the Mercury from 2008-2013. They have gone on to make many things, including countless comics and several books.

21 replies on “What’s the Perfect Sam Adams Birthday Gift?!”

  3. I thought truck balls would be good too, but they are too expensive. Note: the website I checked had the white balls as “flesh” colored. It turns out the manufacturers of BumperNuts aren’t very “progressive.”

  12. I have access to a copy of the Unzipped with Beau on the cover. It is signed “Happy Birthday Adam” You can forge an “s” on to it and make for ulta-LULZ.

  17. What about those dayglo plastic things you put on your bike spokes that slide up and down as you ride and make neat clicky noises. Do they still make those?

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