KANSAS CITY, Mo. (AP)âDespite being the 24th Democratic candidate to enter the race for the coming 2020 presidential election, Another White Guy has announced he is throwing his hat into the ring.
âHonestly, I never considered running for the presidency,â Another White Guy said to a packed room of reporters. âBut someone has to stand up to Trump. And who better than Another White Guy?â
And he may be rightâonly two hours after announcing his candidacy, Another White Guy has leapt to the top of the polls, followed by Another White Guy opponents such as Joe Biden, Bernie Sanders, and Pete Buttigieg.
While some ask whether Another White Guy can differentiate himself from the other white guys in the race, Another White Guy remains confident.
âAmerica is a vibrant, diverse country that has many voices,â Another White Guy said. âAnd who better to represent those voices than Another White Guy? Who will protect a womanâs right to choose? Obviously, Another White Guy. Who will stand up for gay rights? Another White Guy! And who will finally give voice and representation to people of color? Do I really need to answer that? Okay, fine... Another White Guy!â
Despite his abundant confidence, Another White Guy seemed momentarily taken aback when asked if it might be better for the party and the nation if white guys like Another White Guy would step aside to make room for non-white guy candidates such as Kamala Harris, Elizabeth Warren, or Cory Booker.
âUmm... okay... I donât think you understand,â Another White Guy replied. âIâm Another White Guy, okay? Those other guys? They are not Another White Guy. Donât get me wrong, theyâre all amazing. But America doesnât elect amazing people. They elect Another White Guy. Another White Guy doesnât scare or intimidate voters, like an Elizabeth Warren with all her âintelligent, detailed policies.â I speak in broad, vague generalitiesâand thatâs the way America likes it!â
While admitting it may be difficult to hold his current position on top of the polls, Another White Guy feels certain his particular talents will propel him to the White House.
âI do thisâI enter this raceâbecause I know I have the necessary attributes for this job: I am white. I am a guy. And most importantly, I am a white guy. America is begging for Another White Guy! And I hear your cries, America! Another White Guy is heeding your call!â