Dear Soiled Mattress Down by the River:
My 15th wedding anniversary is right around the corner, and I really want to do something special to show my husband how much I love him; Any suggestions?
—Margaret Beeman, NW Portland
Margaret, congratulations on what is truly a momentous milestone! And while I’m sure you’ve celebrated past anniversaries in a number of romantic ways, have you tried spending time on me? The soiled mattress down by the river?
Picture if you will: a candlelit dinner at one of Portland’s most exclusive restaurants. Then, dancing into the night—your cheeks touching, your bodies swaying suggestively to the music. And then, a moonlight stroll, your hands clasped, your eyes exchanging shy but sensual glances. That’s when you “coincidentally” come upon me, the soiled mattress down by the river.