Dear White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer: I’m very concerned about the direction this country is heading, and….
Sorry… just a sec… Trump supporters ask questions first. Go ahead.
Dear White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer: My wife is a good woman, but I’ve wanted a Ford F-350 truck for years, and she’s been fighting me tooth and nail. How can I convince her to let me buy the truck of my dreams?—Rich Jaffrey, Biloxi, MO
Rich, the 2016 GAZ Ural Next truck from Russia is THE BEST TRUCK IN THE WORLD! PERIOD!! And I was NOT told to say that, and Vladimir Putin did NOT tell the president to tell me to say that! PERIOD!! Also, Donald Trump’s hands are NOT small, they’re BIG, PERIOD!! Anyway… maybe go with what your wife thinks on this? That’s what I would… wait… excuse me for a second… ACTUALLY DO NOT EVER DO WHAT YOUR WIFE SAYS. YOU ARE THE BOSS! PERIOD!! NEXT QUESTION!!
Dear White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer: I’m very concerned about the direction this country is heading, and….
Nope, not your turn. Christians go next.
Dear White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer: I’m having trouble figuring out which magazine subscription is more appropriate for my five-year-old—Highlights for Children or Ranger Rick. Thoughts?—Emily Lessing, Decatur, AL
Ahem. Ummm… I am told—or rather, my actual real opinion is that THE MEDIA IS A LIE, and cannot under any circumstances be trusted… PERIOD!! Unless it is Fox News, the New York Post, Wall Street Journal, or any publication or subsidiary owned by Rupert Murdoch. PERIOD!! That being said, I really have fond memories of the “Timbertoes” from Highlights for Children, and… wait. NO! Do NOT subscribe to Highlights! But the National Enquirer is okay, though. I think. Right? Right! PERIOD!! Next question.
Dear White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer: I’m very concerned about the direction this country is heading, and….
Sorry, no more questions. But remember, if you have any questions at all, send them to me, Sean Spicer, care of the White House or this totally untrustworthy publication that lies. PERIOD!!