FUTURE NEWS FLASH! President Trump Arrested for Treason; Says “See, I Told You I Wasn’t Under Investigation”
FUTURE NEWS FLASH! James Comey’s Strong Case That Dry Cleaner Has Been Overcharging Him for Fluffing and Folding
FUTURE NEWS FLASH! Comey’s Dry Cleaner Strikes Back: “To Be Fair, Comey’s Shirts Are Gigantic”
FUTURE NEWS FLASH! Poll: Majority of American Women “Sick of Constant Bullshit”; Moving to Wonder Woman Island
FUTURE NEWS FLASH! Explosive New Video Shows Jared Kushner Spooning with Russian Ambassador
FUTURE NEWS FLASH! Beyoncé Twins and Clooney Twins Already BFFs
FUTURE NEWS FLASH! LeBron James Begs to Be Traded to Golden State Warriors; Rest of League Responds, “Whatever, We Don’t Even Like Basketball Anymore”
FUTURE NEWS FLASH! Ivanka Trump Announces Public Assistance Program for Rich White Women
FUTURE NEWS FLASH! Emboldened Portland Racists Feel Secure Enough to Start Their Own Cat Café
FUTURE NEWS FLASH! Hillary Clinton Sipping Rosé and Plotting Somewhere, Probably
FUTURE NEWS FLASH! Jeff Sessions “Doesn’t Recall”Testifying In Front of Intelligence Committee
FUTURE NEWS FLASH! Trump’s Lies Officially Surpass Every Truth Ever Uttered
FUTURE NEWS FLASH! Upcoming Solar Eclipse Canceled; Dragon Too Busy to Devour Sun
FUTURE NEWS FLASH! Russian President Vladimir Putin Hacks Your Netflix Account; Knows You Won’t Do a Damn Thing About It
FUTURE NEWS FLASH! President Trump Strangles Kitten While Pushing Invalid Down Flight of Stairs; Paul Ryan Shrugs, Says, “Well, He’s New at This”