Folks, I’m just about as embarrassed as a poodle that done fell into a pig pen.
First of all, if y’all ain’t never heard of me, I’m Billy Ray Cyrus. Your grandmama might remember me from my 1992 number one smash single “Achy Breaky Heart.” You might remember me as the daddy of Hannah Montana star Miley Cyrus. And your dope-smokin’ teenage nephew Kevin knows me as the goddamn lucky sonofabitch who was asked to sing along with Lil Nas X on the Grammy Award-winning “Old Town Road.” I still don’t know how I got that gig.
Anyway, seems like I may owe everybody an apology. See, I’m the one that probably caused the Wuhan coronavirus that the World Health Organization has declared “a public health emergency of international concern.”
Now before you get all hot under the collar, I need you to know that I don’t normally go around creatin’ or spreadin’ diseases that could grow to pandemic-proportions and potentially kill hundreds of thousands of human beings. I’m just a good ol’ boy from Flatwoods, Kentucky, who just likes strummin’ his guitar, fishin’ at my favorite swimmin’ hole on Sunday afternoons, and tradin’ exotic monkeys on the internet.