THERE’S DANNY TANNER cradling the baby Olsen Twins,
playing the straight man to Dave Coulier and not touching “the hair.”
And the years as America’s chief purveyor of nut shots, flat oneliners,
and fat chicks falling down.
Then suddenly, when he stood up in Half Baked and said, “I
used to suck dick for coke,” everything changed.
Spotless as Danny Tanner, Saget played for shock and got it. His
torrent of dirty fuck jokes continued in The Aristocrats,
Entourage, and an HBO standup special. But between these two
poles, who is the real Bob Saget? And so, on an otherwise gray
afternoon the phone rang.
“Bob Saget here,” came over the line. “How are you?” He was driving,
but promised to pull over if things got serious.
My comedian friends had prepared me for the worst. “Oh Jesus,” they
said. “Get ready for sad attempts to convince you he’s blue” (the term
for a filthy comic). But they were wrong. Saget, as it turns out, was
doing blue material long before donning the sweater vest.
“I’ve been doing it for 35 years,” he says. “I started when I was
17.” Referring to LA’s golden age of standup, as described in the new
book I’m Dying up Here, Saget says, “I was there.” And it’s
true, he was, although he is mentioned in the book just once, in
passing. Saget is happy to fill in the details.
“It was a weird life,” he says. “I went to the Comedy Store and I
emceed the room for, like, eight years, working for almost nothing.” He
goes on to tell some of his earliest jokes. “My act goes: I have no
life, I have no friends, and I live in a moped.” It’s awkward, but he
tells another. “I have the brain of a German Shepherd and the body of
an 18-year-old boy. They’re both in my trunk and I don’t want you to
see them.” Saget seems halfway to acknowledging the jokes are odd and
stupid. “It’s all about weird, inappropriate stuff,” he says.
When he got both the Full House and America’s Funniest
Home Videos jobs, Saget didn’t think they’d last (each ran for
nearly a decade). And though he says he’s “guilty as charged” of
writing the jokes on America’s Funniest Home Videos, he’s
thankful. “I’ve come to embrace themโI wouldn’t have the audience
that I get to have now,” he says. “I literally feel like I’m just
starting my career.”
So is Saget worried about being pigeonholed as a dirty comic in this
new career? “I was pigeonholed [as being a] G-rated talent,” he says.
“Pigeonholing sounds like a terrible thing to do to an animal. The term
pigeonholing sounds like you’re animal abusing.” Uh huh. “This is how
badly I’m trying to make people laugh at the stupidest, dumbest,
sex-with-animals material,” he admits, but continues to riff. The joke
is going nowhere. “Allow me to be more clear: Pigeonholing sounds like
you’re doing something to an animal.”
“I get it, Bob.”
“I’m just trying to kid. I know you got it”โbut he continues
relentlessly. “I want to read the term ‘pigeonholing’ 12 times in your
paper.” He’s not done: “It’s illegal in four states.” And thus, I
discovered the crux of Bob Saget’s comedy: cloying. The man, however,
is pretty genuine, caring, and optimistic for a guy who knows he’s
often the butt of the joke. Even if that joke is often funnier than the
ones he’s telling.