Dear Woman Who Was In Front of Me in Line at Winco Last Night and Was Only Buying a Single Bottle of Watermelon Moscato:
I have some questions.
Did you go to Winco with this particular item in mind? Why Winco, a store that is so big and so busy, when you could have bought the same thing at Plaid Pantry with much less time and hassle? Did you pick Winco specifically because you enjoy watching the aimless frenzy of people caught in a situation they did not expect and have no control over? Does the warehouse vibe of Winco, rather than being off-putting to a single-item shopper, instead only add to your thrill of watching the world burn? Tell me, Woman in Front of Me in Line at Winco Last Night, was the watermelon moscato just an added bonus, a watermelon-grape medley on top of the apocalyptic sundae that is gawking at panic shoppers?
Or did you originally go there to buy toilet paper, just like the rest of us? Did you have responsible plans to stock up on canned food and antibacterial soap and Folger’s coffee, a brand you would obviously never drink if we weren’t in a literal state of emergency? And upon seeing that spot in the aisle where the toilet paper should have been, that gaping, empty chasm between the disposable napkins and the paper towels, wide and bare enough to be a black hole—when you saw that, did you decide, fuck it, grab the closest bottle of alcohol you could find, and book it to the check-out line?
Did you know the moscato you were buying was watermelon-flavored, Woman In Front of Me? Or did that not register until it was sliding down your gullet while you were crouched behind the bushes in the Winco parking lot? Do you drink flavored moscato often, or is it part of your life post-virus, the same way Purell-scorched dry hands are now a part of mine? Do you typically only drink natural Pinot Noirs from the Willamette Valley? Were you surprised at how much you savored the sickeningly sweet drink, if only because it was jolting enough to push the pandemic out of the edges of your mind for a few seconds?
Do you think everything is going to be okay, Woman? Do you think this will pass, and people won’t be evicted, and they’ll get their jobs back, and we’ll manage somehow to not overwhelm our hospitals? Do you think scientists will find a vaccine, and that enough people will have access to it? Do you think the 2020 election will happen as planned? Do you think we’ll get Medicare for All out of this? Or do you think we’ll make a turn for even more hard-right authoritarianism?
I know it’s unfair of me to ask you all these questions, as if you could answer them. It’s just that I’m social distancing in my house right now, laptop open on my couch, and my mind won’t stop wandering back to you. Earlier today I was on a media conference call with some top state officials, and one of them said, “Conversations that we have in the morning sometimes change radically in the afternoon,” and that felt very true. My brain keeps ping-ponging from anxiety to anxiety, so I let it rest on that single bottle of watermelon moscato, sandwiched between panic portions of ramen and rice on the Winco check-out conveyer belt, and it calms down for a minute.
I hope you got a nice buzz off that moscato,
Blair
Does it really matter what she got? Do you know anything about her or are you simply judging her based on this? Maybe she already got her groceries and forgot the moscasto so ran back in for it. Maybe she had a list of things but everything was out but the moscato. Maybe she had a horrible day and on the way home stopped for moscato. While in line did she cough on you? Run up to give you a hug? Spit on you? Put you life in jeopardy? Or did she mind her own business, keep her distance, get what she needed, and get out?
Why were you at Winco? For food and supplies? Why didn’t you order them online and have the delivered to your home? That would have been the responsible thing to do but intead you were just as irresponsible as Watermelon Moscato Lady. And you’re worse than her because you’re judging a person you know nothing about all the while doing the same thing as her… going out in public when you should really sit your ass at home. Here’s a great idea, stop juding people and worry about yourself.
Awfully judgy, and bonus for gendering the person. Shopping at Winco probably affords you bragging rights amongst your friends, but you used your privilege and put your true self on display by publishing this.
What self-righteous garbage content, it contributes noting to the much larger issue at hand. Is this supposed to be entertaining? informative? I’m at a loss. The finger you are pointing can be pointed right back at you for wasting news space during a pandemic. Do they have less right that you to be in a public space because of what they are purchasing? There has not yet been a call to not leave ones home so what exactly is your problem? How did this get past editorial?
I don’t mean to jump on the shit-on-Blair bandwagon but… this is kind of mean and puts you in a super privileged light. This could have been a funny little note, but you got weirdly personal and kind of attack-y.
It sounded more like you were venting your own personal anxieties (I def get why), and in which case maybe just say that instead? I clicked on this to get a chuckle and instead feel kind of down and bummed I didn’t get watermelon moscato at Fred Meyer last night.
Awkward.
Why would i donate to the Mercury with garbage like this?
You guys are cranky!
Blair you are an entitled twit. AND, Plaid Pantry is sold out of Watermelon Moscato.
I’m going to take the road less traveled here. Although it did come off as quite judgemental (could’ve used a few less question marks and more light-hearted whimsey to even out the tone), those of us who made it to the end of the article could see that Blair’s true intention was one of gratitude for the distraction. And while it’s true something like this (in shorter form) would be more at home on I, Anonymous, I’m going to give Blair – and the Merc – a pass on this. They are going through a hard time. They had to cut 10 of their core staff and are hemorrhaging advertising. So quit hating fools! You are not making things any better. You try coming up with top shelf content week after week while working on a skeleton crew!
PS hey Merc, BTW I’ve been known to pen a gem or two and I’d be happy to donate original content if you ever need a hand filling out some space.