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Surely my friend did not know what she was doing yesterday evening when she sent me an Etsy link to these:

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Because before I knew what was happening I found these:

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And these:

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And these:

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And then: Harry Potter (HOW DOES IT MAKE SENSE HAGRID IS THE SMALLEST?! THAT SHOULD BE DOBBY IF IT IS ANYONE). Queen. Star Wars: Episode II—Attack of the Clones (ICE CREAM NATALIE PORTMAN! Also, same complaint about Hagrid and Dobby, but with Mace Windu and Yoda). Avatar. Michael Jackson. Princess Di. Justin Timberlake. Santa Claus Presidents! The Fellowship of the Ring, the members of which, in this configuration, terrify me for reasons that I cannot express in words. Green Day. Star Trek. The Dark Tower. Motherfucking Forrest Gump, including a legless Lieutenant Dan and a shrimp.

Craftspeople of Russia. I salute you. I did not even know that these things existed, let alone that they were things I wanted. Now my life feels empty without them. Without all of them.

With honor and distinction, Erik Henriksen served as the executive editor of the Portland Mercury from 2004 to 2020. He can now be found at henriksenactual.com.

6 replies on “I Need All of These Russian Nesting Dolls”

  1. IF YOU BREAK OPEN THE MIDDLE PIECE OF THE METALLICA ONE, THERE’S AN ITSY-BITSY DAVE MUSTAINE SHOUTING ABOUT GUN LAWS.

    TALK ABOUT AN EASTER EGG.

  4. I’ve got one of all of the Russian presidents up to Gorby which is pretty sweet. But what I didn’t know existed and I now want is one with all of the Doctor Who doctors. Or, most of ’em anyway. In some versions, the outer-most one is the TARDIS…

  5. The Metallica nesting dolls, as pictured, would be improved by subbing out Jason Newsted for Cliff Burton and the electric guitar for a patch of Scandinavian black ice.

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