So I was out drinking last night—I know, I know—over on Mississippi and Skidmore, and came back to my car around midnight to discover… THIS.
GodDAMN it.
Oh well, you live in the city, you take your chances, right? However, the smash and grab thieves responsible for this did take one thing of irreplaceable value: My Hot Tub Time Machine backpack. Luckily, the only thing inside the backpack was a script for a play I’m currently working on—come see The Lost Boys… starting in October!!!—and a water bottle that, for once, was only filled with water. (I know, I know.)
But that black, JanSport promotional Hot Tub Time Machine backpack—given to me in exchange for a favorable movie review that I didn’t even write—is a piece of beloved cinematic history, and the only backpack I currently own.
IF YOU SEE IT, PLEASE CONTACT ME HERE, OR DROP IT OFF IN THE LOBBY OF THE MERCURY AND RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN. I WILL NOT PURSUE YOU, AND NO QUESTIONS WILL BE ASKED. And okay, fine, I’ll give you a $20 reward. Even though it’s costing me $200 to fix my window, jerk.
That being said, my car actually looks cooler without a window, and really, I just want my backpack back. Thank you.
YOU DRIVE A PURPLE CAR? LIKE A GIIIIIRL?
It’s royal blue, THE COLOR OF ROYALTY.
I BET YOU’RE LEFT-HANDED, TOO, YOUR WORSHIPFULNESS.
OH, AND SORRY ABOUT YOUR CAR AND BACKPACK. THIEVES SUCK. HAVE WE RULED OUT A GANG OF MISCHEVIOUS CARTOON RODENTS?
I’m left handed
What’s the point in editing a newspaper if you can’t drive an Aston Martin?
I would like to blame the victim. Backpack in plain sight = your fault.
what was that henriksen guy doing last night? does he have an alibi?
@SirKnuckleBeard
It was down in the floorboard, but I will agree to take 10 percent of the blame. (Though I’m sure the thieves of the world appreciate your support.)
I’m sorry, Wm, but you’re wrong. Clearly the bag was in plain site. Just look at the facts! 1) Broken window; 2) backpack is gone. I mean, how much clearer do I have to be??
Karma’s a bitch. I guess you should have written that review!
Mississippi and Skidmore that was your mistake
Hot Tub Time Machine Backpack probably broke the window and found a new owner because it was so pissed you abandoned it in the car. You should’ve been rocking that backpack with pride. Don’t mess with magic.
WSH, have you checked with the establishment you were visiting to see if they might have had a surveillance camera in use? You might get lucky.
still concerned about the backpack, has it been found?