Well, I hope you’re happy, Blogtown. Seriously. What the shit. Sending Erik on a bike ride? You guys did that to me last year. It was magical. What do you have against bike rides, anyway?
I’d also like to thank you for ruining, out of the gate, our brand-new Blogtown series before it even has the chance to get going. Discomfort Zone had potential to be GREAT; we spent long and hard coming up with the idea, and it knocked out some of the other ideas we had kicking around (such as our “Freaky Friday” idea, in which two Mercury employees switch jobs—and lovers!—for a day, or our “Le Retour de Martin Guerre” series, which legal advised us would get us into serious trouble).
Nope. You blew it. You decided to send Erik on a merry ol’ bike ride, instead of THIS:
What we need is a way to make Erik’s bike race more interesting (because I’m fairly certain he intends to toodle-oodle-oooh around the track). How about tying steaks to the back of his bike and get an angry pack of pit bulls to chase him? Maybe he can be pursued by Blogtown commenters dressed up like extras from The Road Warrior?
IDEAS, PEOPLE! IDEAS!
Film it. Put it on Youtube.
Susbstitute toy poodles for pit bulls. I got a couple to lend you.
I’m bored. This is boring. Entertain me, dammit.
No way to “pluck some hanging chads” and appeal this to the International Court of Justgimmeafuckingbreak? Sometimes democracy has to be helped along a bit, right?
Eric is put in a room. He is given the pieces of a bike, and a few tools. The tools may be he ones he needs. Or not. There are pieces missing.
Eric has 35 minutes to put together the bike, or blogtowners will be released with temporary princess tatoos and stale bagels. If Eric can rie the bike before they are released, OK. If not…
Are you sure nerdlington didn’t get his Dungeon Master to strong arm his Elven Coven to tip the whole thing his way??? People with no friends are on the internet all the time since they have nothing else to do. Now F you all in the B I am going swimming.