Where does a candidate for the fake presidency turn when she needs advice? To another fake president of course! Paris Hilton, meet former fake president of The West Wing, Martin Sheen.

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

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