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As you probably already know, the Mercury is being evicted moving downtown to a homeless shelter posh new office space. That means we have to make some big decisions, like what to do with all this extra alcohol we have lying around.

What’s that you say? Drink it?
Okay, we can do that.

Thanks to the endlessly entertaining power of Wheel Patrick Harris (thanks, Joneser!), we divided up our boozy treasure trove and had our enabled employees take a spin of the wheel. The categories included all the usual options (vodka, tequila, Seagrams), some less desirable bottles (Colt 45’s Blast, tarragon flavored vodka, Jägermeister), one wussy non-alcoholic drink (“Strawberry Pop” Faygo), and a particularly frightful bottle of a rosé called “Sunset Blush.” But here’s the catch: Whatever liquor the fateful wheel Gods picked has to consumed today… at work.

So if we’re a little slurry today, it’s not our fault. Blame the wheel.

After the jump, low-quality video of Steve spinning Wheel Patrick Harris and then exclaiming “fuck me” when it tells him he has to drink a bottle of grape flavored Blast.

Ezra Ace Caraeff is the former Music Editor for the Mercury, and spent nearly a third of his life working at the paper. More importantly, he is the owner of Olive, the Mercury’s unofficial office dog....

12 replies on “We’re Moving. We Have Leftover Alcohol. Let’s Get Drunk!”

  7. This reminds me of an old idea for a party: Bring Your Own Half-Bottle!

    Everyone has a half-bottle of something taking up space in their liquor cabinet, something they’ll never touch again but someone else would happily drink. So, invite your friends over and have them bring that half-empty bottle. After everyone’s gone through the good alcohol and the acceptable alcohol, you use the remainders to concoct strange new cocktails. Eventually you combine everything that’s leftover into a single mixture that tastes terrible but gets you drunk.

    The host provides mixers and snacks.

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