Ah, yes, a dispatch from the alternate reality of Roseburg, where a small town paper struggled with an election night print deadline.
Thanks to Roseburg native Cody for sending this in!
Sarah Shay Mirk reported on transportation, sex and gender issues, and politics at the Mercury from 2008-2013. They have gone on to make many things, including countless comics and several books. More by Sarah Shay Mirk
Wow, can’t they add a few more fonts to the layout?
beacon of nope
I worry that there’s an addiction to abundant alliteration in the ‘burg.
DUDZ DOWNZ KITZ, LIBZ HAZ SHITZ FITZ
In fairness, the Roseburg Beacon is not Roseburg’s mainstream daily newspaper. It’s a truly wacky right-wing rag associated with Marilyn Kittelman, a former county commissioner who was recalled a few years ago, basically for being too conservative for Douglas County. Seriously.
So this is far from the first example of the Roseburg Beacon living in an alternate reality. It’s sort of like Oregon’s version of The Onion or the Weekly World News, except that they’re dead serious about it.
@CC: total win!
Hehe the tagline.. “because you can handle the truth.”
Also: Expect next week’s issue of the Roseburg Beacon to be full of conspiracy theories about Kitzhaber’s birth certificate, next to the usual stuff about black helicopters, chemtrails, UFO conspiracies, and the like.
fail
Kes$ha approves of their “Money Matter$” sub-headline.