Lex Talionis
From Union Jack’s
938 E Burnside
It takes more than strippers to make this joint go ’round, and Lex is there to keep all the girls safe. When he’s not bouncing the door, he enjoys films about cannibalism. And these ones too:
– Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory (1971): “About a boy who wins tickets to visit a magical kingdom (AKA a chocolate factory), his adventures therein, and an enigmatic ending.”
– From Dusk Till Dawn (1996): “One of the finest south-of-the-border Mexican action movies. It reminds me of daydreams I’ve had working the door.”
– Dawn of the Dead (1978): “The dead rise from the grave in an ‘overabundance of souls in hell’ spillover.”
– Queen Of The Damned (2002): “Vampires, gypsies, and creatures of all sorts meet in a winner-takes-all melange of the macabre.”
– K-PAX (2001): “If you had a chance for a better life, would you take it? Is this movie about aliens or angels?”
Julian Aaron
From Pets On Broadway
2762 NE Broadway
The holiday season’s over, meaning you’re clear to buy things for yourself again, but what about poochie? Did doggy have a merry Christmas? Did your Christmas include a new doggy? Julian knows what dogs like:
– Raw Advantage bones: “You give it to them frozen, because dogs like rubbing cold things on their gums.”
– Kongs: “Rubber toys that you can throw or give to them to chew on. They seem to last a lifetime.”
– Chuckit!: “It’s like a lacrosse stick, so it makes the ball go way further with minimal effort. And you can pick up with it so you don’t have to touch the slobber.”
– Bully Sticks: “It’s a bull penis. They come in all different sizes, they don’t splinter, and for some reason dogs just loves them.”
– Fat Jack dog beds: “A Seattle brand that makes really good beds. Your dog will definitely get attached and sleep in them every night.”