This is an I, Anonymous that’s an actual confession of having taking an action to the detriment of another (we like that). Also, “get thee to a trailer park” is pretty good, if somewhat rude to all the nice people living in trailer parks.

You had the audacity to sell meth for about the last year across from my lovely house, thinking nobody was the wiser. HA! I allowed you to hang yourself. I let it be known I had cameras set up in my house, right across from your shitty apartment. But, noooooooooooo… You had to keep right on selling at all hours. Do you realize that your face is caved in due to METH use? Do you realize I have had three of your friends arrested, simply by running their plates to the fuzz? Do you realize that the reason you are being evicted is because I hammered on your slumlord until he caved in? Nobody but myself has the balls to go around making life hell for people like you. I am rare. You think I am like you because I have long hair. You think because I am a musician that I will just be cool with drugs in my neighborhood? Hell, NO! Now you’re going to have to shack up with that loser in the the scrap metal truck who mules your cheap-assed narcotic for you. Get thee to a trailer park. You muck up my beautiful street. BTW… HA HA! I GOT YOU EVICTED, CUNT!

Marjorie Skinner is the Portland Mercury's Managing Editor, author of the weekly Sold Out column chronicling the area's independent fashion and retail industry, and a frequent contributor to the film and...

10 replies on “I, Anonymous: How to Fuck Over A Meth Dealer (Who is Already, by Definition, Kind of Fucked)”

  5. I used to live across the street from a meth lab house. There was also a drug dealer one door down from me and a prostitute the next door over with her little kid. The cops were fully aware of everything going on in the neighborhood but left us alone since everything stayed calm & quiet. They’re just people, ya know?

  6. See, now this is more like what the original mission statement of I, Anon proposed: it’s the ol’ “I Came In Your Crab Bisque!” column. Sure, it’s dumb. Sure, it was written by a douchesack of epic proportions (“I am rare!”), but it’s nasty and best of all, anonymous.

    Also, you ever had to live in a neighborhood with meth heads? Fuck, I’ll take Mr. Rare here over them any day.

  8. It’s kind of a sad little ‘I Anonymous,’ IMHO. Getting all worked up and angry at a drug addict is like yelling at the sky when it’s raining. Good for Mr Rare for getting ’em out of his life, but the “HA! I WIN!” crap is really pathetic.

  9. Well didn’t you just solve everything for everybody, genius.

    Oh, wait, no, just for yourself. Everyone else is fucked worse than their original meth-addicted life. So, you’re inhuman! Congratulations. Also, not as rare as you think.

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