Thanks to everyone who voted in our earlier poll entitled, “Whose Desk Drawer Would You Like to Snoop Inside?” The winner by a somewhat wide margin (at least by the 3:30 pm cut off) was arts editor Alison Hallett. SO! What do you say we take a sneaky peek inside Alison’s drawer?
As you can see, the contents of Alison’s drawer includes 1) tea candy, 2) ginger chews, 3) a mostly demolished dark chocolate candy bar, 4) a bicycle map, 5) a list of Alison’s greatest regrets/failures thus far in life, 6) a DVD of Les Mis, and 7) The Glee CD “Road to Sectionals.”
In other words, SNOOOOOOOOORE!!!
HOWEVER! Guess what I found in her other drawer?? HOLY SHIT. (Incriminating photo after the jump!)
1) a loaded gun, 2) High School Musical hand sanitizer, 3) a nearly empty flask that smells like lighter fluid, 4) an amputated finger, 5) a bloody funnel, 6) a condom, 7) a harmonica, and 8) some sort of steampunk masturbation device from the 1850s.
THE MORE YOU KNOW, amirite?
“A bloody funnel”
YES
This is the best post ever.
A red one? I would have thought maybe a blue or green one. Or maybe a glow-in-the-dark one. At the very least a ribbed one.
I’ve given up figuring out how the mind of Wm. (TM) Steven Humphrey works. The Bieber thing convinced me that us mortals will never be at those heights/depths.
But this is completely hilarious.
Look, I like old people candy.
And… 4 & 8 are a set.
(DAMMIT.)
At least she’s practicing safe sex/murder. I hope you guys still have that sombrero somewhere around there. I was quite fond of it, and the cat lady painting, and the CLAWS movie poster in the bathroom, and the Jar Jar by the office door, and the funny talking fellow in the suit and tie with the spectacles.
I think the key object to unraveling the mystery that is the last drawer is the Harmonica, or the thing that looks like a grenade with an old vintage timer…
@Polis: I had a conversation a while ago with someone who was convinced that WSH was not a real person. “I thought he was like their Alfred E. Neuman character,” he said, “whenever anyone on staff has something inane or zany to post they’d just use the WSH name and writing style.”
This isn’t all that out of left field, in that the Merc does basically that with Ann Romano, Frank Cassano, and all of the New/Returning Columns (all of which I quite like) and given posts like this I can see how my friend came to that conclusion.
Is the gun bb caliber or .177. Maybe she uses that on WSH if he gets too frisky/snoopy.
@ Polis
It’s quite simple. That filter that most people have that tell you not to do something because it’s inappropriate? He’s thrown that out and replaced it with one that says “Do it and post it on Blogtown!”
That’s not an amputated finger…I’m rather certain it’s part of a rare Mattel “John Holmes” doll. They were briefly marketed as a Barbie accessory in 1978.
Alison — you were supposed to get rid of that gun and clean up that funnel. Next time I am not going to help you get rid of another body if you won’t listen to me. At least my phone number was not facing up.