- Ground Kontrol
Update (because I’m an idiot): Everything I said about Pinbrawl 2010 below still applies — in particular the words from the press release — only instead of occuring today, Pinbrawl 2010 goes down on April 18. Consider me blushing and kicking myself while branding the contents of a 2010 day calendar into my back. Sorry for the confusion.
Sunday has always been the lamest day of the week. Even the crazy, vengeful, Batman-on-meth God of the Old Testament knew no one could get shit done on a Sunday. Thus he deemed it “Sabbath,” which roughly translates to “take a nap sinner.”
Since neither you nor Yahweh has anything going on today, why don’t you head down to Ground Kontrol for Pinbrawl 2010? Here’s the official details, verbatim from GK manager Art Santana:
On Sunday, April 18th, the finest pinball players in the Pacific Northwest will once again gather in historic Old Town for Portland Pinbrawl 2010, Ground Kontrol’s second annual pinball tournament. Join your fellow Portland ‘ballers to battle the best of the Northwest for the grand prize: a full-sized Williams’ “Johnny Mnemonic” pinball machine. Ground Kontrol will extend its beer and wine serving hours to cover the entire day of the tournament.
Ground Kontrol’s inaugural Portland Pinbrawl tournament in April 2009 drew over 120 players, some traveling from as far as Canada to compete. A packed house is expected for Portland Pinbrawl 2010, and registration is capped at 128 players.
Portland Pinbrawl 2010 will also feature “side stage” tournaments with highly challenging rules including one-handed play, and “split flipper” play — where 2 players each control one side of the pinball playfield!
Competition signup fee is $20 per person; spectators get in for free. Doors open at 10:00am, Sunday April 18th, and onsite registration closes at 10:45am. Admission is limited to 21 and over with valid ID for competitors and spectators alike.
Personally, I’m all kinds of ass at pinball. I get the gist of the game, I can catch, tilt and occasionally make the ball stick to a flipper, but I’ve never once managed to get my name even close to a high score table at Ground Kontrol. Do I blame myself? Hell no! I blame the insanely talented pinball players who spend hours at Portland’s hippest arcade, honing their inhuman skills.
I won’t be entering — I’ve got a fragile ego to protect — but I urge anyone with real pinball skills to drop the $20 entry fee on this thing. With Canada kicking our ass in the Olympic race for most gold medals, Pinbrawl 2010 might be our only opportunity to show those eerily polite Canuckistani bastards what a real American pinball wizard can do.
(Read: Drink too much, angrily remind them that Canadian Bacon is the worst kind of bacon, then puke on their shoes.)
Uh, the headline says Today but this is in April.
You see the dangers of working on the Sabbath now don’t you?
Try to go all secular on the laziest of all Holy Days and The Man Upstairs puts on his smitin’ cap! If it weren’t for my +1 Shield of Richard Dawson I might’ve been turned into a pillar of salt, instead of just a pillar of flesh unable to read a simple press release.
Dammit! I meant my +1 Shield of Richard Dawkins!
My Dawson aegis only protects me landing on Whammies. Sadly, it also makes me extremely vulnerable to Ben Richards.