The Bridgetown Comedy festival is next week and it’s always fucking spectacular. There’s a truly amazing, diverse range of talent, and if you go to even a FEW of the shows, I can guarantee you’ll see something so funny that you’ll feel like tearing a hole in the sky and laughing directly in the face of every god who has ever existed. Check the Mercury next week where other people (Alison Hallett) will write better than I (FOR A GIRL) about why you should go see Bridgetown.
In addition to bringing in stellar comedians from around the country, Bridgetown also includes some local comedians—but due to Bridgetown becoming, truly, one of the best comedy festivals in the country, and Portland’s comedy scene becoming one of the best up-and-coming comedy scenes in the country, there’s no way to get every deserving local comedian onto the festival every year. I don’t envy the people who have to make that decision, and luckily, you don’t have to decide!
Here’s a list of some comedians who won’t be at Bridgetown this year, but you’d a REAAAAAL schmuck if you didn’t catch their act before they moved on to a bigger city, or they find out they love speed chess and quit comedy or like, maybe they get killed by a hippo.
Christian Ricketts—I’ve talked about him in this space before. Go fucking see him.
Jimmy Newstetter—You go to YouTube, you look up Jimmy Newstetter, you enjoy the fuck out of it, and then you go see it live—’cus it’s even better live. Frequently, stand-up comedians play inside a set boundary. We learn the set-up, punch-line dynamic, and though some people obscure that dynamic to almost unrecognizable extents, it’s still set-up, punch-line. Jimmy Newstetter can tell that kind of joke, but he’s best when venturing outside the safety zone. His commitment to bits is staggering and staggeringly funny. His imagination is a beautiful fucking place, and we’re lucky that place is still in Portland.
Catch Newstetter at the Down To Funny comedy showcase at EastBurn, 1800 E Burnside, on Mon April 15, 8:30 pm.
Jen Allen—You know how in old cartoons, somebody would travel through time and they’d be floating through space, but it’d be filled with math equations and clocks and hieroglyphics and whatnot? Watching a Jen Allen set is like floating through that space—but instead of math, it’s outlandish impressions, pure absurdity, touching honesty, and then a theory about what it sounds like when a Care Bear poops. (Jen is my girlfriend, go see her despite her terrible judgment.)
Jen’s performing May 5 at the Hawthorne Theatre, 1507 SE 39th.
Marcia Belsky—Portland’s sharpest, Jewish New York wit is from Oklahoma, somehow. She can verge on the
political, but never without being charming. She can eviscerate an idiot, but never without a touch of well-humored empathy. You know when you talk to someone at a party, and they think they’re being really funny, but also making a bunch of great points, but they’re just being obnoxious and you want to spit on their shoes? Marcia is the person they
think they’re being.
Marcia is hosting Down To Funny at EastBurn, 1800 E Burnside, on Mon April 15, 8:30 pm.
Phil Schallberger—Phil has always been one of the funniest people in Portland. Then one day he broke his jaw and I assumed he’d stop doing stand-up for a while, but later that week he did a thing with music and note cards that was one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. His frustration with some unseen force constantly produces some of the most innovative, dynamic comedy in the entire city.
A fine list. All these people are dope and won’t be here forever. See them while you can.
I will add a few more of my favorites (who didn’t make Bridgetown) because why not:
Nariko Ott is fucking hilarious. Dude makes cat abortions and blood diamonds funny. What more do you want?
Richie Stratton because who doesn’t want to laugh at a manically depressed chucky doll?
Sean Connery is like your funny uncle that is perpetually disappointed in you but makes you laugh anyway.
Kyle Harbert. I can’t describe it so I won’t even try. Just go see him.
Cody McCullar is a smart as hell dude who pretends to be dumb as fuck. Either way, he’s funny.
I freely admit my tastes skew towards the darker end of the humor spectrum but all of the above are worth seeing even if they occasionally say something that makes you cringe inside.
Don’t sweat it, Ian, you write pretty well (FOR A CHURL).
Promotional Material as Fuck!
This article warms the cockles of my heart
This is really cool Ian
If the funniest woman of all time is Roseanne and Ian’s gf is quite a few rows down from that level of talent then should i expect to laugh at all? Not that no women are ever funny its just generally women are not that funny. Like that Chelsea Lately woman. Cant fucking stand her.
Christian Ricketts is opening two shows for Mary Lynn Rajskub April 25th at Mississippi Studios. He is a VERY funny and original comedic voice to be sure.
@I’mrightyerwrong – You can call her Jen Allen, she’d be a comedian if we were dating or not, she was a comedian before we ever met, but… your point about female comedians isn’t just insulting to female comedians, but it says more about your lack of intelligence than it does about the state of comedy.
To answer your ridiculous thought – Roseanne is a legendary comedian, but she isn’t ALL FEMALE COMEDIANS. It’s not like every subsequent female comedian is just a lesser version of Roseanne Barr, they’re as diverse and varied in skill and approach as any male comedian.
I know you’re just a troll, and you take pride in shit like this, but I’m saying this more for other people reading this than for you… if you think women aren’t as funny as men, I feel sorry for you. You have issues that need to be addressed, and once you address those issues, you can enjoy the spectacular comedy of not just Jen Allen and Marcia Belsky, but of people like Amy Schumer, Tig Notaro, Maria Bamford, Jackie Kashian, Emily Heller, Kate Berlant, Laura Kightlinger, Ilisa Schlessinger (I spelled her first name wrong ‘cus my keyboard is broken), Natasha Leggero, Cameron Esposito, I mean FUCK, I could keep going on for ages. Make your fucking life better, enjoy comedians regardless of what kind of genitals they have, you fucking cretin. Jesus.
Ian the troll smasher
Time for a rewrite, buddy. Schallberger, Ricketts & Newstetter were all added. Have you seen Joe Hieronymus lately? Self-promotion as fuck.
Dearest Ian: I love speed chess and I haven’t lost one goddamn bit of my comedy skills. I hope a hippo eats you, but only after it eats about 900 pounds of kale. What this world needs is fewer Mercury writers and more people who can win a game of chess in less than 5 minutes. Shitbird. With fondest regards, Number 6
I have no idea what that means, but I’m going to take it as a compliment. Thank you.