Below are three of the stupidest wearable items that the internet hath spit up into my attention this afternoon. Can you guess which one I hate the most?

The Fuxedo:

The DIY “deer with little antlers hat,” which you can’t even just buy but can get the ugh… get the knitting pattern for for $5.50 from… UGH… TinyOwlsMagicAttic’s Etsy store.

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The Ex-Girlfriend Jean for men:

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If you guessed “deer with little antlers hat,” you are right, my friend! You know why? Because animal themed hats are for babies only and if you think it’s remotely attractive for grownups to wear them you should be sent to prison or sterilized, or at least forced to wear demeaning little twee-ass baby animal themed knitwear bullshit for the rest of your life. But that’s just me. Which do you hate the most?

Marjorie Skinner is the Portland Mercury's Managing Editor, author of the weekly Sold Out column chronicling the area's independent fashion and retail industry, and a frequent contributor to the film and...

8 replies on “Stupid Clothing Ideas of the Day”

  3. Okay, Blabby, I’m going to ask this with only polite interest, no sarcasm. When was the last time someone who might consider wearing skinny jeans asked you for fashion advice? Does it happen often?

    🙂

  4. I hate you the most, Marjorie, because I’m wearing my ex-girlfriend jeans under my fuxedo and just took off my antler-hat when I walked inside.

  5. Reymont, I am a fusty old man of 35. I should probably just lay down in an open grave somewhere and let death’s sweet embrace save me from the torture of my remaining years, but I rage against the dying of the light.

    I actually still know multiple people who wear skinny jeans, but no one asks me for fashion advice. Except my wife when the ratio of new pants to appearance of ass fatness must be determined.

    I stand by my prediction. Skinny jeans are a long-lived fad, and like all fads, must come to an end. Eventually men will want to look like men again, even in Portland. I don’t think they will be replaced by Hammer Pants necessarily (I told you I was old), but they won’t be nard-huggers any more.

  8. No, this is the appropriate thread in which to mention that one of the cool things about Portlanders is that we wear whatever we like. We’re a slightly odd bunch, and if some of us want want to wear little deer hats with antlers, or jeans that are too tight, we should welcome them!

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