Sweatin’ with the Gays!

SCHOOL’S BACK IN SESSION, and that means one thing for all
you muscle-lovin’ gay, bi, queer, tranny, and “bi-curious” (I’m lookin’
at you, closeted PSU football players!) students in Stumptown:
It’s time to pound the Portland pavement in search of some queer antics
designed to make you work up a sweat!

Before we run some laps, let’s look at the course: Portland’s queer
scene isn’t centralized in any single spot or ‘hood. Although SW
Stark—once hailed as Portland’s “Vaseline Alley”—still
boasts a small strip of gay bars, now queer-centric establishments fan
out across Portland, from deep in the heart of NoPo (the blue-collar
dude-bar Eagle Portland) to the clutch of queer joints in Chinatown
(Embers, Hobo’s, the Crown Room, etc.).

Whether your sweat of choice is physical or intellectual, queer
Portland’s got you covered. So break out your best swingy-dingy gym
shorts, and let’s sprint across queer Portland to check out some of the
city’s most awesome queer hotspots.

• Dance-floor sweaty!

Queer Portland is many things: a dance-club town, it is not. The
venerable CC Slaughters (200 NW 3rd) is your best bet for sweaty
flesh pressing and a shock of glorious pounding n’tsuh-n’tsuh. Most
nights are hosted by the much-loved local drag star Bolivia
Carmichaels, who’ll likely saddle up in the first 10 minutes of your
arrival and be your new queer BFF. Srsly. The adjoining Rainbow Room is
one of the classiest bars in town, and boasts a stellar happy hour.

• Intellectually sweaty!

For the bookish or intellectually curious student, a stop by
Stumptown’s LGBT community center, called simply the Q Center,
(4115 N Mississippi) is a must. Their brand-new North Portland space
hosts a huge number of smarty-pants events, from a coming out
discussion group (for all you gay newbies out there) to film nights and
even the occasional queer town hall. Keep your eyes peeled for Q
Executive Director Kendall Clawson: She’s one of the friendliest gay
faces in town.

• Gym sweaty!

Okay, so it’s no big secret that the 24 Hour Fitness locations (24hourfitness.com)
across town have become ground zero for gay dudes and girls flexing and
sweating in lusty harmony. The 24 in the Pearl District (1210 NW
Johnston) is maybe the gayest of them all, and you just might bump into
some of the city’s gay power elite—a local business owner or
theater producer—on the elliptical machine.

• Drunk sweaty!

The best news for new queer students just might be the opening of
Invasion (412 SW 4th), a fabulous café and cocktail bar
just off SW Stark. The marvelously retro mod spot—full of nooks,
crannies, and all manner of intimate make-out corners—serves up
fabulous fresh-fruit cocktails and Intelligentsia Coffee seven nights a
week, and (take note, freshman class!) until 10 pm it’s an all-ages
joint (with no cover charge!). Plus! The bar just opened a shiny new
dance club by the same name, right next door in a former Subway
sandwich shop.

• Sex sweaty!

After the unceremonious closing of Stark’s Club Portland bathhouse
in 2007, the emphatically spotless Steam Portland (2885 NE
Sandy) is the only gay bathhouse left in the region, so if you’re
looking to swap a little man-sweat (no girls allowed… sorry ladies!),
this is your place. I’m not advocating that every randy undergrad in
town stop by and drop trou in the first term—but hey, it’s
certainly one way to show your school spirit.