[If love is a battlefield, the war is being waged online. Since online dating brings a fair share of complications to the search for love, we asked Mercury readers to submit their weirdest, wildest true stories of their experiences looking for romance on the internet. And we promised the best story would receive a $300 prize! (You can read that winning story at the end of this feature, and more horrifyingly hilarious tales of love—where else?—in the online version of this story.) Enjoy… and, as these writers warn us, beware!—eds.]
THAT’S “BRIAN” FOR YOU
It was the “Wild West” of 2013. I was 23, a super-hot babe. I seldomly used OkCupid but found a cute guy. He had spiky brown hair and glasses. He was thin, but kind of built. I’m a towering 5’9” and thicc (with two Cs), so I’m not intimidated easily.
This person, who we’ll call “Brian,” had strong “Brian” energy. He came to meet me but lived in Salem. We met up at a cute little English-themed bar in NE Portland (you know the one).
He was smart and fun. I was not a prudish person then or now, so I didn’t think it was a good idea to have a person over on the first night. We each had about three drinks over the course of three hours. I had a Scotch egg. He was charming. He invited himself over for a beer, and I wanted a ride home… so I relented. While on my sofa he revealed that he was definitely too tired and tipsy to drive to Salem.
So this man… this scrawny little dork who could have been a stand in for Buffy’s friend Xander… was in my living room, conning me into sleeping over.