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When you pick up this week’s copy of the Mercury, it may feel extra lumpy. Don’t panic! That extra lump is our brand new Eat & Drink Guide, which some might call “A Very Special Advertising Supplement” but should probably instead be called “A Vital Document That Contains the Key to Your Very Survival.” In other words, it’s a MUST-READ.

What’s the Eat & Drink Guide? Well, apart from containing a comprehensive directory of places to cram your mouth full of delicious things—restaurants, bars, food carts, oh my!—this new edition is a primer on how to do that most important of functions: How to Eat & Drink. Want tips on how to masticate? You need this guide. Looking for some pointers on your boozing? You need this guide. Keep setting the table with snorkel gear and poison, instead of forks and plates? You need this guide. Spilled hot food in your eye and need detailed instructions on how to flush it out? You need it. HARD.

Your copy of How to Eat & Drink is stuffed inside of every copy of the Mercury on the streets, so go out and bring one home right away. As with all of our previous Eat & Drink Guides, they escalate dramatically in value as soon as they disappear, so by this time next year, your FREE guide will be worth approximately $61,774.38.*

*projected value non-binding

Ned Lannamann is a writer and editor in Portland, Oregon. He writes about film, music, TV, books, travel, tech, food, drink, outdoors, and other things.

5 replies on “Get the New <i>Mercury</i> Eat & Drink Guide!”

  1. “When you pick up this week’s copy…”
    Lost me here.

    “*projected value non-binding”
    Do like the double entendre however.

  4. I’m sorry. I broke up with the print edition a long time ago. It’s not you, Mercury, it’s me. By the time I get my hands on a print copy (eg, coffee shop, weekend), I’ve already read most of the content online. The website is just too good.

    Maybe if you made it ass-ugly and as horrendously bad as the WW website, I’d consider reading the print copy again. 🙂

  5. I agree. Merc’s website is the primary reason I stopped reading the WW, period. (Also Portland tribune.)

    I’ve since discovered adblock element hider to make all sites more pretty but I’ve moved on with no harm done.

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