As someone who doesn’t eat meat or dairy (I’m not vegan, just complicated), I feel this I, Anonymous:
Attention Portland Restaurants: My friends and I are fine with waiting 45 minutes to an hour to eat brunch, but what we are not fine with is shitty tofu scramble. The last couple experiences I have had at a number of different popular brunch establishments have resulted in bland tasting and unappetizing looking tofu scrambles. A plate of white unseasoned slop is ridiculous. If it doesn’t taste good to the person cooking it, guess what—it also tastes like crap to the rest of us. Fuck you very much as well for charging me $10 for that white jello mold, I really appreciate walking out of your establishment feeling like I’ve been duped. I’m not sure why tofu is so hard for people to get right, but I promise if you can’t figure it out on your own. Go on the Internet, look up a recipe, and learn how to season your food. Portland restaurants, I challenge you to make a deliciously seasoned and textured tofu scramble. Please hear our cries.—Anonymous
I feel like such an asshole being a special-needs diner that I mostly cook at home, but when I do go out I want to make it worthwhile. I am not offended by the fact that tofu scrambles are the default vegan option on most brunch menus, because a good one can be just the ticket, but when you’re paying $10 or so bucks to eat something easily made at home, I feel like a little effort or cleverness or something attention grabbing is in order. Two off the top of my head that I like are at the Nighlight and the Screen Door, but help me get out of my rut. Where else can you get delicious tofu scrambles for brunch? Any other vegan or vegan-ish breakfast spot recommendations for when the scramble game is making you die (die!) of boredom?
I hear that Beast does brunch.
Tip: Don’t eat meat substitutes.
Be a fucking man and eat some meat, your body craves it. Just give in.
I’ve never had it (SO over scrambled eggs), but I would guess that Cup and Saucer would do a good job.
Combining one bland thing that needs seasoning with another always sounded like a bad idea to me.
@ zombie: just give in to shutting your mouth. Our bodies crave it.
Cup and Saucer does a good job with tofu. Of course, Sweetpea’s Sunday brunch buffet is tops.
Just don’t ever go to Toast. For any reason. Unless you really like waiting an hour for a table to have them mess up every simple order before you pay $10 for something mediocre.
+1 on the Cup & Saucer, they are incredibly consistent, if anything. There’s always a tofu special on the board, too.
Hungry Tiger 2: Electric Boogaloo has a vegan version of the regular menu — the scrambles are tasty!
Jam does a pretty good tofu scramble if memory serves. I’m also a big fan of Junior’s tofu scramble-it’s good every time I go in.
Tofu scrambles? You can’t polish a turd.
I love the smell of phytoestrogens in the morning.
Is Proper Eats open for brunch? They make the best scrambles I’ve had in town.
Cricket Cafe on Belmont lets you choose your add-ins for a tofu or egg scramble. The tofu itself has some pretty good black pepper-based seasoning on it, too.
A good vegan scramble? When you find one, perhaps you can tell me where to get great tasting doughnuts that have no calories or fat.
Junior’s scrambles are delicious, but the portions on their tofu scrambles are weirdly miserly, which makes me even sadder than a bad scramble.
I’m a broken record about it, but I say Blossoming Lotus has the best take on tofu in town. 3 versions of tofu scramble alone! Amazing!
While I do eat eggs, I can’t resist the occasional tofu scramble. The problem is some restaurants are incredibly clueless when it comes to vegetarian fare. I can only assume all those saturated fats make the cooks brains mushy and they’re probably angry about their cholesterol levels which, judging from some of the comments above, it makes them hostile as well, not to mention the overwhelming guilt related to the environmental destruction and pollution wrought by factory farming animals. Still, that’s no excuse since it’s one of the easiest thing to prepare in the world.
That being said, I don’t think I’m going to share the places I like. Lines are long enough already and having to wait too long for breakfast makes me cranky.
I’ll second the Cricket. That place really sucked balls when I lived in the neighborhood a couple years ago, but a friend made me eat there last week, and it was good.
I worked at breakfast/brunch joint 5 years ago, and no one EVER ordered the tofu scramble. On the rare occasion that it happened, we’d usually find some really nasty old tofu in the fridge and end up sending a busser to Fred Meyer to buy some fresh tofu. And most of our cooks were surly assholes, so I can’t imagine it ever turning out very well.
Good to know Cricket’s Tofu scramble has improved. I haven’t been back in years. Last one I had looked like regurgiated cat food.
My favorite Tofu scrambles:
Junior’s.
Jam
Beaterville
Cup and Saucer
Utopia, on Belmont
Gravy
Junior’s and Jam are the best.
Zombie, I’m sure Majorie will take your advice to be a man to heart.
Cup & Saucer is the best! Be sure to asked for the Seasoned Tofu (crumbled and deliciously seasoned) not the regular cubes!
JAMMMMMMMMMM
Okay, I guess I definitely have to try Jam now. I’ve been meaning to go there for a while, but this seals it.
@Stu: Yes! Absolutely go for the seasoned tofu over the regular.
And it’s nice to see that the “all vegetarian food sucks” crowd of closet-case unemployed laborers is still alive and well. Hope you’re enjoying your mediocre burger, asshole. How’s the view from that far up your own ass, imbecile?
Who said all vegetarian food sucks?
#2 and 12, in so many words. You and others in more “that’s-not-what-I-said!” ways.
Go to:
Blossoming Lotus
Junior’s
Jam on Hawthorne
Vita
Skip:
everywhere else, or cling to the hot sauce for dear life
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