Slate.com is at it again, with one of their brilliant opinion articles about nothing important at all. (You read this great article about why you shouldn’t eat lunch outside, right?) This time, editorial assistant for culture J. Bryan Lowder wrote a piece called “Chicken Stock Doesn’t Count as Meat” in which he took vegetarians down a peg for allowing him to almost feel bad about putting chicken stock in a risotto he was making.
Slate has a pretty solid history of telling vegetarians what to think. This piece was actually really persuasive about the case for vegans eating oysters, by using such things as research and logic. But Lowder’s piece makes clear only one thing: J. Bryan Lowder is kind of a dick.
His entire argument about why chickens shouldn’t count as meat can be summed up thusly: “Chicken stock makes tasty food.” It’s the perfect rebuttal to the argument no vegetarian has ever made, “I’m a vegetarian because I think vegetable stock tastes better.” Sure, chicken stock may be “Considered foundational to many of the world’s cuisines”, but beef is also considered foundational to many of the world’s hamburgers. Whether or not you agree with my reasons, you can’t possibly believe I’m eating veggie burgers because I think they’re better burgers.
While knocking down this straw-chicken argument, he continually reminds us that the article is really about what a lousy person he is: “When I have vegetarians over for dinner, I’m already making a sacrifice by forgoing a real entrée in favor of a meatless one.” Is that what you’re doing? Or maybe they’re sacrificing their time hanging out with you instead of somebody who doesn’t say “real entrée” about the food they choose not to eat. He also triumphs over vegetarians using the famous Color Argument: “vegetarians shouldn’t make a big deal about some small amount of a near-invisible (if crucial!) liquid”. I remember all those great ethics classes in college where the professor would say, “It doesn’t count as killing something if the result is a clear liquid.”
I’m glad you’re using all of the chickens, Bryan. But when you say “I’m being a responsible, frugal meat eater by doing this—can’t vegetarians acknowledge my effort by letting slide the few tablespoons that might end up in their soup?” it really seems like you’re writing more about why you’re a terrible friend than why I’m a terrible eater.
I’ve been a vegetarian for over a decade. I know that makes me annoying to have at dinner parties, nobody is more aware of that than me. But I’d rather go to a dinner party with three vegans, two slow-carbers, and one person on an elimination diet (actually, that’s a pretty standard Portland dinner party) than one J. Bryan Lowder.
What the shitballs is a slow-carber?
I didn’t read that article yesterday because the headline made it clear that it was absurd on its face. Thanks for validating me, Alex. BTW, have you seen that cool Chipotle animation that is supposed to make you like them better because the cows and chickens they feed people aren’t all artificially pumped-up? Somebody needs to tell them that the sad cow wasn’t sad because he was being pumped-up, but because the alternative was still to kill him and eat him.
I choose not to eat people and I’d be a little upset if Jeff Dalmer had me over for dinner and snuck some human stock into my risotto, Lowder apparently would be fine with it, as long as it tasted good.
This guy lost me when he noted that adding chicken stock to everything is as basic and reflexive to him as it is for him to mindlessly reach for the “AC remote” on a hot summer night.
The analogy econoline touched on is the first thing that popped into my head, too; and no, i don’t think it’s a stretch at all: Oh, you have an ethical problem with cannibalism? Well, don’t worry — there isn’t any actual meat in this human stock anyway — it’s mostly just water, practically colorless, left over after boiling the bones down for a while — no biggie.
While we’re on the subject: I once saw a documentary about cannibalism, and the general consensus was that the best meat came from the fingers.
Do i want to eat human flesh (or stock)? No. Do i think it’s much different, ethically or otherwise, from eating the same from a cow or anything else? No. But if i don’t want to take part in it, you shouldn’t trick or try to guilt me into doing so.
Vegetarians ruin everything.
Slate published some particularly stupid “articles” yesterday, or op eds purporting to be. The staff was on retreat and I think some B-material got released.
I have Celiac and I’m a vegetarian, so I’m basically worse than Hitler.
Like all homo sapiens from the paleolithic to the present, I’m an omnivore. Like 99% of them through human history, I’ll eat whatever’s edible that I can get my hands on because I can’t afford to be that picky. Some people do have hard lines. This is weird, but we still get along quite well together.
@ c&b:
My lord. I guess count your stars that you haven’t felt the need to go vegan? I’m not sure how well i would fare if i couldn’t indulge in gluten, especially considering the fact that most beers are full of it.
Agree 100% w Alex. Read it a couple days ago and wanted to kick this idiot, his editor, the ruling quantity>quality media model, and then myself for falling for such ridiculous click-bait and incentivizing the whole thing.
Glad I don’t read Slate at all anymore (because most of their articles seem to be along these lines) and could give my clicky-clicks to Blogtown instead. Good piece, Alex. A thousand seitans to Gryffindor.
@human: Thankfully, Widmer makes a few great gluten-free beers (the Omission ones). Otherwise I would probably kill myself.
I totally wouldn’t eat animals if they weren’t so delicious.
Nice one, Trollkien. Fucking zing. Never hear that one.