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I’ll be the first to admit that I need all the help I can get when it comes to most things food-related. But the people who packaged this Kroger-brand sliced cheese (above) evidently think I am more of a moron than I actually am. On the flipside of the package are these helpful directions:

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I should mention that:

1. I did not remove the cheese from the package (except for the slice I was going to eat).
2. I did not turn the product over. (This is a vague instruction, at best.)
3. I did not remove cheese board. (What cheese board? There’s a piece of cardboard inside the package. Is that the cheese board to which you are referring?)
4. I did not gently remove the slice. (Actually, I was very rough!)

I followed exactly ZERO of these instructions, with no ill effects—but I did ENJOY! Thank you, supermarket-cheese directions!

Ned Lannamann is a writer and editor in Portland, Oregon. He writes about film, music, TV, books, travel, tech, food, drink, outdoors, and other things.

8 replies on “Today in Unnecessary and Vaguely Insulting Instructions”

  5. @NED LANNAMANN — You are such a rebel. But run like hell when you see a black buggy, the hat, and a man with a beard. For not following our instructions you have earned an Amish Beat Down.

  7. Go ahead and laugh. But I had a package of Kroger sliced smoked gouda and I was having the damndest time separating out the slices from the top … until I followed the directions and flipped over the stack. So maybe it’s less important for some cheeses than others.

  8. Congratulations on your crowning achievement, supermarket cheese package blog post! Ned is the best worst writer on the whole wide intertubes!!!!

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