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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Start doing your tummy stretches now, because next week marks the return of the Mercury's SANDWICH WEEK—creative, one-of-a-kind creations made by the city's top sammy makers! And they're only $8 each? What? YES! It runs from Monday, June 5 through Sunday, June 11, and you can check out drool-worthy pics of these divine sandwiches HERE. And now, I present some drool-worthy NEWS.


• Here's your most recent example of the Oregonian platforming a group of lying liars, starting with this headline: "Portland-area poll finds huge appetite for tougher tactics on homelessness." Let's break this down, shall we? The "Portland-area poll" in question was a wildly slanted survey paid for by dark-money, right-wing special interest group People for Portland (P4P), who have spent the last few years denigrating our city in order to gain political capital. It was conducted by Republican-favored polling company GS Strategy Group—the same organization who confidently stated that gubernatorial candidate Betsy Johnson was neck-and-neck with Tina Kotek, when in actuality, she was a distant third. But wait, THERE'S MORE! The P4P poll surveyed only a scant 500 "likely" area voters—for comparison, the not-exactly-scientific Mercury Sex Survey polled 2,000 people. And the questions were written in a way that heavily favored the disingenuous anti-Portland views of P4P, while the question's choices were just as slanted. So... yeah! Not exactly "quality research." While the Oregonian articles (yes, there were more than one about this sketchy poll) laid out these discrepancies (but only deep inside the article), their headlines did exactly what P4P wanted. (Note to the O: If you're going to platform the antics of cynical liars, can you at least make them pay for the advertisement?)

• Speaking of sketchy antics, today Portland City Council is scheduled to probably vote in favor of further criminalization of the homeless, by enacting a daytime ban on public camping, while enacting strict limitations on where they rest at all other times. Those in repeated violation of this ban can be fined $100 or jailed for up to 30 days. In other words, making it even more likely for these people to have a criminal record, and therefore harder to find permanent housing. SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN. Stand by, our Courtney Vaughn will let you know what happens.

• As expected, Oregon's runaway Republican lawmakers who are refusing to do their jobs (because they hate abortion and love mass shootings) have hired a prominent lawyer to challenge the overwhelmingly voter-approved Measure 113, which says if lazy Republicans refuse to do their jobs, they won't be eligible for reelection. (It's almost like they're working harder in order to not work.)

• In much more positive news: Get ready for some bike-heavy fun, because the beloved Pedalpalooza is returning for three big months of intensely enjoyable group bicycle rides that will make you fall in love with two-wheel transpo all over again. Our Taylor Griggs has all the delightful details.


• The House is expected to vote today on the debt limit deal concocted by President Biden and House Speaker Kevin McCarthy. Hard-line Republicans hate it, so expect to see a lot of grandstanding theatrics that were on hilarious display when they were voting to elect McCarthy as Speaker.

• Former New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie is expected to throw his hat into the ring for the Republican presidential nomination next Tuesday, at which point he will be summarily eaten by Trump and DeSantis for lunch. Sounds like a good waste of time and money for all concerned (hee-hee-hee)!

• In more "Republicans eating their own" news: Chick-fil-A (which has a well documented history of homophobia) is facing their own "Bud Light" moment after implementing very normal Diversity, Equity, & Inclusion (DEI) policies... and the gun-toting anti-woke extremists are losing their got-damned minds. (Once again, and with relish, hee-hee-hee!)

• Meanwhile, the rest of us are like...

• Here's your "shot & a chaser" headline of the day: "CEOs got smaller raises. It would still take a typical worker two lifetimes to make their annual pay."

• And finally... oh, this reminds me: Time to manscape.