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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Let's go, burger lovers! The Mercury's BURGER WEEK is now underway, and continues through Sun Aug 27 with more scrumptious, creative $8 burgers than ever, and... waitasecond... at a whopping 81 locations?!? Can your stomach handle it? OH, I BET IT CAN! And if it can handle that, it can also handle some NEWS.


• Yesterday Gov. Tina Kotek convened the first meeting of her task force designed to reinvigorate Portland's downtown core and, as you might expect, the almost 50 person (!) team consisted of both the best and WORST people the city has to offer. In my opinion, this group is way too large to get anything of substance done, but it does give the city's rich crybabies another forum in which to cry—which I wish were enough to shut them up, but it never is. 🤷‍♂️

• But get this! As a member of Gov. Kotek's downtown revitalizing task force, Mayor Ted Wheeler came to the meeting with a laundry list of requests that he would like the state to do for him. (Not exactly the point of a brain-storming task force... but okay.) Among the usual asks—help with trash pickup and graffiti, money to convert empty downtown buildings into housing—he also wants the governor to assign 100 Oregon State Troopers to help police the city, which is a terrible idea since he can't control the cops he already has, and there's little chance the troopers would even agree to do it. BUT HERE'S THE THING THAT MADE ME LOSE MY GODDAMN MIND: Wheeler also asked the state to pay for an advertising campaign “to improve Portland’s reputation.” Soooooo... let me get this straight: He wants me—the taxpayer—to pay for an ad campaign to counter the negative campaign against Portland launched by his cynical, terrible rich pals in the business community and police union? Is he fucking kidding me?? HOW ABOUT THIS INSTEAD: The city pays for a "Portland is actually great" campaign, but then sends the invoice to "People for Portland's" Kevin Looper and Dan Lavey, the chief of police, the constantly shit-talking rich developer community, Commissioner Rene Gonzalez, this fucking guy, and everyone else who has profited from driving Portland's reputation into the shitter! (Jesus, they'll let anybody on this business-friendly, performative task force!)

• The company that Portland hired to remove homeless campsites, Rapid Response Bio, has lost their latest lawsuit brought by a houseless person who sued the company for taking his personal belongings to the dump rather than keeping them for 30 days as the law requires. It's the second such lawsuit they've lost since June. Our Courtney Vaughn has the details.

• In case you missed it, the Portland Timbers fired their head coach, Giovanni Savarese, on Monday—but the decision raises more questions about the Timbers’ management and their future rather than the coach. Our Abe Asher has the excellent analysis.


• Happy "Being Booked Into Georgia's Fulton County Jail" Day, for those who celebrate! Today is the day Trump, or at least many of his co-conspirators, are expected to show up and get their mug shots taken for their efforts in trying to overturn the 2020 election in the state of Georgia. Rudy Giuliani is one of the creeps who said he'll be stopping in to the Fulton County Jail today. (Hope his hair dye starts running down his face!)

• The feckless, bumbling GOP will hold their first national presidential debate tonight to help their party decide who should be their nominee (it will Trump, who's not even gonna show up). Sounds like a plan!

• Two questions: 1) Who? and 2) Who cares?

• Speaking of feckless Republicans, House Speaker Kevin McCarthy is sending out the toothless warning that when Congress reconvenes, the GOP may launch an impeachment inquiry against Biden for... *checks notes*... well, they'll think of something by then.

• Congrats to India, who is the first nation to land a spacecraft near the moon's south pole—which is a real "get" because inside this location's deep craters is water in the form of ice! SCIENCE, BAYBEEEEEE!

• And finally... me, heading to my next gun fight.