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Good morning, and happy leap day! Happy anniversary to my mom and stepfather, who married on this freak calendar day 20 years ago. For their last anniversary celebration four years ago, they went on a cruise around Italy. In March 2020. You can imagine how well that worked out! Thankfully, they made it home safely, but learned no lessons about unnecessary exposure to contagions, and still go on cruises despite my brother and I yelling loudly at them. Give me an "okay boomer!" if you are also a stressed out millennial trying to parent a stubborn 70-year-old!ย 

Anyway, enough getting mad at our parents. Time to get mad at the world!

IN LOCAL NEWS:

  • A win for journalism? In this economy? It's true! A federal judge ruled in favor of The Oregonian in their case against Nike, which is actually super interesting: a lawyer for Nike accidentally shared documents regarding alleged sexual discrimination with an Oregonian reporter. Nike then tried a take-backsies, which the paper denied, and now a judge is on the side of the First Amendment. Whatever was in the documents hasn't yet been made public but I have a hunch they will be juicy.

  • Oregon's Senate Committee is moving forward to hear a bill that would make it daylight saving year-round in Oregon. That would mean that for three months of the year, it would start to get light before 5am. Oregon cats are thrilled by this possibility, and are more than willing to push things off your nightstand at the first glimmer of light at that ungodly hour so you hurry up to feed them breakfast, which they will not eat.ย 
  • KGW reports that 48 students have been caught bringing guns to school in Oregon during the 2022 - 2023 school year, which is a big increase from years prior. Being a parent in America is so fun. I love it.
  • Portland-based short-term rental company Vacasa announced yesterday that it will be laying off 320 employees. I hope they're getting fat severances that they can use on vacations to lodgings where they don't have to do chores. Meanwhile, advertising darlings Wieden+Kennedy also announced massive layoffs yesterday.
  • A man experiencing a mental health crisis was arrested after breaking into the monastery at The Grotto two nights ago. The executive director of The Grotto said "They brought in a negotiator, and they brought him out without any harm to anybody on the Grotto staff, and, as importantly, no harm to the intruder." That is important! All people are people.
  • Rejoice, polite foot-tappers and gentle head-nodders: local music fest Pickathon has had its use permit for Happy Valley's Pendarvis farm renewed for the next 10 years! My body is ready. My jean shorts are ready.
  • In weather news: she's nasty. If you're going outside, take an umbrella. Literally no one cares.

IN NATIONAL/INTERNATIONAL NEWS:

  • The AP said the death toll of Gazans killed in the current war (is it a war if only one side has weapons?) has reached 30,000. Just yesterday 100 Gazans were killed by Israeli troops when waiting for desperately needed aid. President Biden is still saying that a cease-fire deal is close as both Israeli and Hamas leaders are like "I don't know her."
  • Republican Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell announced yesterday that he plans on stepping down from his leadership role later this year. But I wonder, will he actually step down, or will he just stand there in a daze as if paralyzed until an aide escorts him away? Time will tell!
  • In other news out of our nation's capital, the Supreme Court has agreed to hear whether Trump can be immune from prosecution as the former president. I don't feel like this Supreme Court is leaning toward a verdict I'll be happy with. However, it is fun to think about what will happen if they rule against Trump! I believe wholeheartedly that, if ruled against, Trump would fully announce whatever dirty secrets he's got on the justices, including how Kavanaugh's debts all went away. A girl can dream, right?
  • Texas is fighting the largest wildfire in the state's history. "Unseasonably warm" temperatures are partly to blame. Are they really unseasonable, or are they just newly seasonable?
  • Remember Melania Trump's tacky "I really don't care" jacket? Slate has a great piece on why she thought it was a good idea to wear it on her way to visit migrant children who had been separated from their parents. Apparently it wasn't because she hated migrant children; she just hated Ivanka! So now you have something in common with Melania Trump!
  • Per CNN, marijuana use can carry an increased risk of stroke or heart attack. Shit, that's stressful! Makes me want to....wait. Goddammit.
  • From NPR: A Billionaire is buying up land in Hawaii but nobody knows why. I'm sure it's nothing nefarious! Billionaires tend to have everyone else's best interests at heart, especially when they're doing something in secret. Perhaps it's some sort of surprise party for everyone? Marc Benioff is worth about $300 billion; he could give each native Hawaiian $250,000 and still be rich. Surely that is what he's up to!
  • Much of the internet is starting to realize it's pretty weird that Kate Middleton hasn't been seen in public since Christmas. The wild speculation is almost enough to make Twitter fun:

  • And speaking of wild speculations, Dune 2 star Rebecca Ferguson shared on a podcast that she previously costarred with a vile lead actor who made her cry. She made a point to clarify that it wasn't Hugh Jackman or Tom Cruise. Because I love you, I have scoured her IMDB page, and here are the remaining potential actors who 1) made movies with her, 2) when she was less established, and 3) would have been on the top of the call sheet: Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, Michael Fassbender, Chris Hemsworth, Hugh Grant. Who do we think? I certainly have my suspicions! (I'm sure you know this, but if you can't get enough of my pointless gossiping, please read my latest Trash Report!)

That's all for today, friends. Thanks for spending some time with me and the news. I hope that whatever you do today, you are as informed as you are sexy (very.)