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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Start emptying your gastrointestinal system now, because coming up on April 15, it's going to be your stomach's busiest time of the year... the Portland Mercury's PIZZA WEEK! One-of-a-kind creative slices from more than 50 (!!) of the city's greatest pizza makersā€”and for only $3 a slice? Mama mia!! (And I don't mean the song, film, or musical!) And now, here's a piping hot slice of NEWS.

IN LOCAL NEWS:

ā€¢ Positive news about the Portland Street Response program: At a town hall meeting last week, Mayor Wheeler's office vowed they would continue to support and sustain the programā€”despite Commissioner Rene Gonzalez's continued attempts to sabotage and gut the very popular and successful mental health response team. (For somebody who supposedly loves the cops, Gonzalez certainly seems to want to give them more work!) Our Courtney Vaughn has the details.

ā€¢ Asylum seekers who are escaping truly horrible situations in their home countries are settling in to the city's temporary sheltersā€”but funding is getting dangerously low and very soon these families may find themselves on the streets. What's being done to help and is there any hope? Check out this Mercury report from Kevin Foster.

ā€¢ Oopsy-doodle! Bad news for the anonymous wealthy buttholes who donate to dark money political campaigns: Yesterday Gov. Tina Kotek signed a historic campaign finance bill that will limit the amount of money individuals (like Republican-supporter Phil Knight) and groups can contribute to state political campaigns. And importantly, "it also requires so-called dark money groups that spend independently on candidate campaigns to disclose their significant donors." šŸ˜€

ā€¢ In other Kotek news: Before creating a special, new, taxpayer-funded government office for her wife (which would be called "The Office of the First Spouse"), Gov. Kotek announced she will first consult the Oregon Government Ethics Commission for guidance on how much the role of the first spouse, Aimee Kotek Wilson, can be expanded. (This is most likely in response to the arching eyebrows from those following the departure of three top aides from Kotek's office, which insiders say was a direct result of Kotek Wilson's expansionist plans. šŸ‘€šŸ§šŸæ)

ā€¢ The man who was stabbed to death on a MAX train last Friday evening has been identified as 51-year-old Michael Brady, who was reportedly heading home from work when the attack began. His attacker, Shondel Larkin, says he was hearing voices and was off his meds at the time. Our Courtney Vaughn has more.

ā€¢ And if you need the latest info from last weekend's "three-point line" scandal during the Elite Eight at the Moda Center... welp, here you go!

ā€¢ If you love Filipino foodā€”and if you haven't tried it, you willā€”get ready for a very happy tummy as 16 Filipino restaurants/carts are trotting out their best, most delightful dishes in a monthlong tour that stretches from Beaverton, through Portland, and into Troutdale. Our Suzette Smith has more!

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:

ā€¢ The US government authorized more than 1,000 500-pound bombs and an excess of 1,000 smaller bombs to Israelā€”just prior to the airstrike that killed seven humanitarian workers from the World Central Kitchen. President Biden is scheduled to have a call with Israel's Netanyahu today... probably to scold the prime minister, while also probably to continue sending bombs to the murderous country.

ā€¢ Headline: "Earthquake showed Taiwan was well prepared for a big one ā€” more so than parts of U.S." (Hmmm... I wonder who they're talking about?)

ā€¢ If you're a nerd like me, please join me in squealing, "OH FUCK YES!"

ā€¢ Trump's fave appointed judge, Aileen Cannon, is in danger of being taken off the former president's mishandled classified documents case because (TL;DR) she's bad at her job. (The slightly longer version: Special counsel Jack Smith threatened to report Cannon to the 11th Circuit Court after the judge began instructing both sides to prep jury instructions about the Presidential Records Act, which Trump doesn't think apply to him. She skipped a lot of judicial steps in the process, and if the 11th Circuit Court agrees, she could be booted off the case. Again, she's bad at her job.)

ā€¢ And finally... because you need to see it....