GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! And what a gorgeous morning it is with beautiful blue skies, and… wait. I’m getting those clouds confused with that BLUE WAVE that crashed on top of Trump and his loser minions last night! In reality, expect cloudy skies with rain developing in the afternoon and a high in the mid-50s. Perfect weather for crushing authoritarianism, wouldn’t you say? And now, check out this blue wave of NEWS from our Courtney Vaughn and Wm. Steven Humphrey.
IN LOCAL NEWS:
• All six Portland City Council members who were up for reelection appear to be retaining their seats, as of midnight. This includes Councilor Mitch Green, who was the subject of billboard attacks funded by PACs associated with the Portland Metro Chamber, who would’ve been much happier if all progressives were drummed out of office. (That didn’t work out too well for them.) At the county level, Multnomah County Commissioner Shannon Singleton is expected to pull off the win against fellow Commissioner Julia Brim-Edwards for the board chair position. Singleton’s anticipated win comes as a slight curve ball, as Brim-Edwards was initially favored to win the seat, having run a robust, well-funded campaign and getting help from a PAC who took out billboards (see above) in support of her bid for county chair. Brim-Edwards also picked up endorsements from multiple prominent labor groups and other organizations, but over the last several weeks, two of those groups—including a union that covers Multnomah County employees—rescinded their endorsements.
• Tina Kotek already claimed victory in the governor’s race, besting Republican Christine Drazan for the second time in a row. While Oregonians aren’t exactly thrilled with Kotek’s performance over the past four years (hello, understatement), they’re terrified of what a Republican governor would do at the state level under the Trump administration, which has proven itself keen on clawing back federal resources from states like Oregon. Drazan also campaigned on “accountability” for Oregon by cutting government waste and bureaucracy, but many saw through that as her own way of launching a DOGE-like agenda for the state. Oh, and let’s not forget her efforts to end mail-in voting while she was a senator. Anyway, here’s to hoping Tina can stop trying so hard to cozy up to conservative business interests and remember what’s made this state, and Portland in particular, vibrant in the past.
• Meanwhile in news from our northern sister Washington state, they were riding the blue wave as well, with “no” votes currently leading in the measure to repeal the state’s “Millionaire Tax” (currently leading 58% to 42%), as well as a big win for Democrat Marie Gluesenkamp Perez over her Republican rival John Braun in the contentious U.S. House 3rd District race. However! And this is really not good… the millionaire-backed, anti-trans initiative 26-638, which prohibits “biological male” students from participating in women’s sports will most likely pass with 57% of Washingtonians voting in favor of this cruel, bullshit measure, with 43% currently voting “no.” Get your shit together, people. Your hatred is showing.
• In other (but very related) news: The federal court case being brought against ICE for making warrantless arrests is looking increasingly bad for the racist shithead agency, after one of their agents “could not remember” the details of the June arrest of a 56-year-old Albany man and citizen of Mexico in a Walmart parking lot. The unidentified ICE agent testified that there was “no rhyme or reason” the agency chose that location to round up immigrants on that day, said she couldn’t remember if she was the team leader, or even whether she arrested and handcuffed the defendant, drawing an angry response from the judge who said “‘I don’t remember’ is not sufficient if you can tell me the truth.” The agent was also unable to defend why they chose Walmart—a big box store usually associated with the working class—rather than (according to the judge) an Oregon Ducks football game, where thousands are in attendance. This agent may have a faulty memory now… but maybe it will clear up when the Nuremberg Trials 2.0 kicks in.
• More bad news on the Portland Public Schools front: The school district is projecting a $65 million budget gap next year and anticipates having to cut up to 450 staff positions in response. That’s on top of looming school closures that already have families frustrated and skeptical. If the full school closure plan moves forward, that could reduce the need to cut as many jobs, but it wouldn’t entirely eliminate the need to cut staff, and it wouldn’t prevent the budget deficit, which PPS says is predominantly driven by rising costs of the state’s pension system, according to the Oregonian.
• Holiday season is almost upon us—and what do the stars have in store for you? Find out with the “only horoscopes column in the universe,” The Faults In Our Stars by the hilarious Anthony Hudson! Included: Gift suggestions, holiday toasts, dietary restrictions, pumpkin spice, and (just in time for the holiday season) cults.
IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:
• Get ready for the Democrat REVENGE tour! In an absolutely BLISTERING rebuke to Donald Trump (and authoritarianism in general), Democrats snatched the wig off Republicans last night, and took back the Senate by flipping seats in Kansas, Ohio, North Carolina, South Carolina, and even (clap, clap, clap, clap) deep in the heart of Texas. If those states sound familiar, it was because Trump carried those states (often by double digit margins) during his presidential runs—but I guess the thrill is gone. One by one the Republicans dropped: Troy Jackson beat Susan Collins in Maine; James Talarico drop-kicked Ken Paxton in Texas; progressive darling Abdul El-Sayed curb-stomped Mike Rogers in Michigan, Chris Pappas of New Hampshire became the first openly gay male senator, and Dr. Annie Andrews buried the ghost of Senator Lindsey Graham (and his sister Darline). But the fun doesn’t end there! Because in Georgia, Keisha Lance Bottoms became the first Black woman to be elected governor there… and in the entire nation. Dr. Amy Acton became the first woman governor of Ohio, Deb Haaland of New Mexico became the state’s first Native American governor, David Crowley became Michigan’s first Black governor, and in Texas, Gina Hinojosa kicked the living shit out of three-time shitbird governor Greg Abbott. Ahhhhh… wait. What’s that sound? Oh, that’s the Dems teeing up a truckload of investigations into YEARS of Trump corruption. (Sounds like victory.)
• Today in AHHHHH-HA-HA-HAAAAAA!:
• Meanwhile, Democrats also snatched back the House, taking 231 seats (so far) over the GOP’s 144, in a stunning rebuke to the Republicans cynical attempt to gerrymander their state’s districts in an attempt to retain their slim majority. Their redistricting efforts—particularly in reliably red Alabama, Florida, and Texas—backfired spectacularly, and the result was Republicans being told to hit the bricks, thanks in large part to Trump’s terrible economy and penchant for useless wars (as well as their own feckless idiocy). Oh, and speaking of feckless idiots, House Speaker Mike Johnson announced he is stepping aside (no shit, Sherlock) and will most likely not run to be the GOP’s minority leader, because… who wants to be the Republicans’ constant reminder of their abject failure? Hee-hee-hee!
• There’s a lot more to unpack here, but let’s not forget what we can look forward to in the future—AKA lots and lots of INVESTIGATIONS into the corrupt Trump regime. These will most likely include looking into his unwarranted war against Iran, mass government firings (oh, hello DOGE!), and the scads of dodgy business deals that have enriched Trump’s family and most loyal supporters. But holy hell… WHERE TO BEGIN? (We don’t know right now, but it sure is fun to imagine!)
• And then there’s this headline (the good news refuses to stop!): “Shares of Elon Musk’s Tesla and SpaceX Tumble After Republicans Are Routed.”
• In a bit of non-election news, just for shits and giggles (pun intended), Taco Bell is doing okay!! The AP reports the fast food chain’s “sales in the U.S. are climbing again after a cyclospora outbreak over the summer slowed business.” You may remember that shredded iceberg lettuce served at Taco Bell was identified as the source of the diarrhea-causing outbreak, which spawned the cringy term “diarrhea lettuce.” The lettuce came from central Mexico and was distributed by California-based company Taylor Farms. Anyway, Taco Bell customers are loyal and that PR nightmare of a widespread health issue is nothin’ compared to the sweet satisfaction of a Baja Blast and Crunchwrap Supreme.
• And finally, today… don’t forget to dance.
