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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND!👋
Expect another cloudy morning followed by sunny skies in the afternoon with a perfect high of 76 degrees. Looking for another perfect high? (I’m king of the segues.) Then pick up the Mercury‘s 25th Anniversary Issue, which contains the funniest and wildest stories from our quarter century in print. It’s available in more than 500 spots around town, so do not miss! And now, let’s read some less than perfectly high NEWS.
IN LOCAL NEWS:
• Portland continues its post-pandemic comeback, according to the latest stats which indicate that foot traffic in neighborhoods adjacent to downtown (which includes the Pearl and Central Eastside) have returned to 84 percent of where they were in early 2020. That said, foot traffic in the downtown core continues to lag, and currently sits at only 58 percent of pre-pandemic numbers. Why? Welp, I’m sorry to report that THE WORLD HAS FUCKING CHANGED. Downtown Portland was built as a shrine to capitalism, and now that the world no longer revolves around the antiquated method of showing up to squished cubicles every day, it’s no surprise that “foot traffic” is spreading to other neighborhoods. (Thanks for supporting small local businesses, btw.) However! If you—and especially the wealthy business class—don’t take anything else away from this report, do not miss this quote from Mike Wilkerson of ECONorthwest (who compiled the study) that hits the nail on the head: “[Portland’s recovery requires] reimagining downtown as a place of arts, culture and entertainment more so than it is a place of work.” IT IS LITERALLY THAT SIMPLE, and we’re not going to say “we told ya so,” even though we have for the past five years. 💅
A few weeks ago, Portland Mayor Keith Wilson was weighing whether to compromise the city’s equity-based programs to prevent the city from losing millions in federal funds. Now, he’s ordered the city to comply with the Trump administration, but insists Portland will still uphold its values.
— Portland Mercury (@portlandmercury.com) July 31, 2025 at 3:32 PM
• Two pedestrians were struck and one was killed by drivers last night in separate parts of town, and within an hour of each other. The first was hit just after 10 pm at the corner of Southeast 122nd Avenue and Ash, and was sent to the hospital with life-threatening injuries. The second was struck around 11:20 pm near Northwest Yeon Avenue and 44th, and was later declared dead from their injuries. Both drivers remained at the scene and reportedly cooperated with authorities.
• Local cops are investigating a break-in last week at the Bird Alliance of Oregon’s wildlife care center, in which the suspect allegedly forced their way into an outdoor enclosure and released nine sick birds. All were recovering from various traumas when they were released, and at least one is presumed to be dead, probably eaten by a predator. The nonprofit medical center currently treats between 4,000 and 5,000 animals each year, and are shattered by the fact someone would treat these wounded birds so cruelly.
• In other “thoughtless shithead” news: The Oregon Jewish Museum and Center for Holocaust Education in Portland was defaced by swastikas last week—which they say is the first time for the long-running organization. The museum has turned the security camera video over to the police, who are investigating it as a potential hate crime.
A very fine burger day to you all [doffs cap]
— Portland Mercury (@portlandmercury.com) July 31, 2025 at 2:13 PM
• Happy Portland Sneaker Week to those who celebrate (which should be all of us)! The increasingly popular weeklong event, which brings enthusiasts and creators together to celebrate sneaker culture, kicked off yesterday and runs through this Friday, with lots of events and ways to get involved. Check out the schedule here!
IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:
• Tell me if this sounds familiar: Republican Texas Governor Greg Abbot is losing his mind over Democratic lawmakers who have fled the state in order to stop the corrupt GOP from redrawing their congressional maps thereby giving them an unfair advantage in the coming midterms. The plan—passed down from their dear leader, Trump—is intended to preserve the US House’s slim majority, and could give Texas Republicans 30 out of 38 seats. Gov. Abbott is threatening to remove the runaway legislators (or “felons” as he’s calling them) from office, as other Democratic governors are also doing some threatening of their own, promising to redraw their own state maps if the GOP continues their corruption.
• Did you have “radioactive wasp nests” on your 2025 bingo card?
A radioactive wasp nest was found inside a sprawling Cold War-era nuclear site in South Carolina.
Locals fear there could be an undetected leak, although authorities said that the discoveries were not cause for alarm.
— The Washington Post (@washingtonpost.com) August 4, 2025 at 7:25 AM
• The consistently gross Republican Rep. Nancy Mace of South Carolina—who had one point criticized Trump—has announced she is running for governor of the state, calling herself… get ready to either laugh or vomit… “Trump in high heels.” (I have to admit I would love to see Trump wearing high heels, just to watch his ankles turn to dust.)
• Today in “Idaho fucks around, and then finds out”:
Idaho doing some real laboratory of democracy stuff
— Terry J. Harris (@trryjhrrs.bsky.social) August 3, 2025 at 11:34 AM
• Charlamagne Tha God—one of the hosts of the nationally syndicated radio show “The Breakfast Club”—has royally pissed Trump off by going on Fox News and criticizing the president for hurting marginalized people with his “Big, Beautiful Bill,” as well as his association with sex criminal Jeffrey Epstein. Trump responded by calling Charlamagne “a dope,” adding that the radio host “knows nothing about me or what I have done.” (Or maybe he knows him too well?)
• And finally… a visual representation of the effect of Trump’s tariffs on the economy.
@bornfly_24 Skaters + a JET2 holiday = WOODTAX 😭😭 #bornfly24 #justrollthetape #rollerskating #millenniumskateworld ♬ Jet2 Advert – ✈️A7-BBH | MAN 🇬🇧
