Because, see, she wears a SCRAM alcohol monitoring bracelet, and she was sentenced to 90 days in jail, and… OH FORGET IT. According to the judge, Lindy violated her parole by repeatedly failing to attend her alcohol education classes. From the LA Times:

The judge said that Lohan had repeatedly deceived authorities following her first drunk driving arrest in 2007. She said Lohan lied by pretending she was not the driver in that case. Two months later Lohan was arrested for drunk driving.

“Once again she lied about her driving,” [Judge Marsha] Revel said.

The judge said Lohan again lied when a white substance was found in her pants and tried to say they were someone’s else pants. Revel said she tested positive for cocaine after the arrest.

“She lied then and lied prior to that,” Revel said.

In addition to 90 days in jail, the judge sentenced Lohan to 90 days in a drug rehab center.

And now, a photo play of what happened during sentencing:

Judge: Ms. Lohan, I sentence you to 90 days in jail.
  • Judge: “Ms. Lohan, I sentence you to 90 days in jail.”
Wait... what... youre fucking me, right? Are you fucking me?
  • “Wait… what… you’re fucking me, right? Are you fucking me?”
Actually, no... Im not fucking you. Im sentencing you.
  • “Actually, no… I’m not fucking you. I’m sentencing you.”
OMG!! Shes totally fucking me! Make her stop fucking me!
  • “OMG!! She’s totally fucking me! Make her stop fucking me!”
Ms. Lohan. Youre not... youre not being fucked. Not in the least.
  • “Ms. Lohan. You’re not… you’re not being fucked. Not in the least.”
I am too being fucked, and... wait. They make Pruno in jail, right?
  • “I am too being fucked, and… wait. They make Pruno in jail, right?”
......
  • “……”
FIN

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

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