According to the always entertaining New York Post, actor Charlie Sheen was discovered this morning nude and trashing his room in NYC’s Plaza Hotel, with a screaming hooker trapped inside the closet. (Why is the screaming hooker in this story the least surprising aspect? Anyway.) The hotel estimates he caused $7000 in damages, which stem from throwing chairs around a room, and damaging a chandelier. (Sounds like a normal night at the house for me.) HOW COULD SUCH AN UNFORTUNATE HAPPENSTANCE OCCUR? From NYP:
Sheen, 45, told police he had been “out partying,” sources said. After he returned to his room with an unidentified woman, he noticed his wallet and cellphone were missing, causing him to fly into a rage, sources said.
A police official said the woman in the room with Sheen was an escort.The hooker called the front desk from Room 1832 — which features a pink-and-white stripped door — and reported that Sheen was passed out on the bed.
WHY WAS IT NECESSARY TO SAY HIS DOOR WAS PINK AND WHITE??? I love this goddamn paper!!
Life and Style adds more color (aka fuel to the fire) with quotes from a source close to the hooker! Take it away, source close to the hooker!
“She was fearing for her life and was naked,” says the source. “Charlie was incoherent but started screaming slurs at the cops. They recognized him immediately and gave him two options: they could take him to the hospital or take him down to the station. Charlie chose the hospital.”
But don’t worry! Charlie is gonna be just fine: He’s expected to be released on Wednesday, and because he’s a celebrity, no charges will be filed. In fact, his publicist already has an awesome excuse lined up for his behavior! From Us Magazine:
Charlie Sheen was hospitalized early Tuesday morning in NYC because he “had an adverse allergic reaction to some medication,” his rep said.
Oh. Okay. So I guess that alleged big pile of coke had nothing to do with it. Actually a very similar incident happened to me the other day after I had an allergic reaction to a peanut butter sandwich—but in my case, the hooker died.
I didn’t know KD Lang was on Two and a Half Men. Huh.
“just a smile, just a smile,
hold me captive just a while IN A MUTHAFAWKING CLOSET
i can’t explain, why i become ms chatelaine”
-KDLang (lowercase)
-McAngryPants (UPPERCASE)
okay, that was a loooooong way to go for a joke. I really gotta get back to work…
Only $7,000 worth of damage? He’s slowing down. Happens to all of us.
All Charlie Sheen needs to do is film like .002 seconds of Two and a Half Men to cover damages for his crazy benders. So why not, right?
That kid looks like he is smiling to hide the terror of being touched by Sheen.
Aaaaaaand anyway shouldn’t he be in jail for the next 100 years at this point?
Charlie Sheen hasn’t been interesting since bowling shirts were actually somewhat fashionable.
It simply his interpretation of the role his Dad originated in Apocalypse Now.
I’m thinking Charlie was just making his own “Hump” short, and things got carried away. Real hospital records might sow his wallet and cell phone were surgically removed from certain “cavities” in his body.
Dude knows how to party. I can’t even drink a Bud Lime and autoerotically asphyxiate myself without getting a hangover anymore.
Don’t try this in Portland unless you are rich and WHITE like Charlie Sheen. Here they kill you first then take you to the hospital.
Also take Tri-MET to the hookers. Let’s see the cops seize that ride. Maybe the PoPO has his cell phone and wallet.