An anonymous writer just sent in this bulletin addressed to the citizens of Portland:

Christmas lights are the only thing nice about this time of year other than alcohol, fucking, and legos. Put them up or eat a dick.

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

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