An anonymous writer just sent in this bulletin addressed to the citizens of Portland:
Christmas lights are the only thing nice about this time of year other than alcohol, fucking, and legos. Put them up or eat a dick.
Support Smart, Local Journalism
Make a Small Monthly Donation
An anonymous writer just sent in this bulletin addressed to the citizens of Portland:
Christmas lights are the only thing nice about this time of year other than alcohol, fucking, and legos. Put them up or eat a dick.
Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.) More by Wm. Steven Humphrey
Comments are closed.
Sign up for our newsletter for news recaps, updates, and more!
Fucking Christmas lights, how do they work?
By the movement of electrons through wires, Todd.
You are wrong, but I will still eat a dick.
do inside lights count?
eat a dick! eat a dick! eat a dick!
Is the dick festively adorned?
I am going to create and market the world’s first strands of edible dick lights. Looking for investors.