I know something’s up when I only get one email from Restore America–the right wing, conservative Christian, anti-gay group who’s head, David Crowe, currently resides in Tennessee. They’re the folks behind the failed (and currently on appeal in federal court) effort to shove the domestic partnership and non-discrimination laws to the ballot.
See, Crowe apparently has two email lists. The one he hasn’t scrubbed of media folks–there, I’m subscribed with my Mercury email address–and the one that he thinks is just his true followers. Usually, everything he sends out, like Sunday sermons, goes out to both lists.
Tonight, I got an email to the true followers list (which, obviously, has folks in there who aren’t). It’s panicky, and paints a picture of an organization that’s extremely low on cash. Emphasis his…
Restore America exists to mobilize the millions upon millions of professed evangelicals to get up off their posteriors, REGISTER to VOTE, and VOTE!
There has never in my lifetime been a more important election to determine the future of America.
But I need your help! I cannot do this by myself with a few volunteers. We have less than $4000 in our bank account to:
1. Continue functioning as a ministry and pay our bills
2. Prepare, print, and mail the Value Your Vote, Vote Your Values Campaign information and challenge to 2000 Bible believing, God honoring Oregon churches this month and twice again before the election
3. Meet payroll and expenses
4. Expand our email reachWe need $50,000 more to serve all Oregonians, register and turn out the Christian VOTE, and restore the legislature to sanity in the face of what will happen in 2009.
When I KNOW that whoever is elected President will determine who is nominated to the Supreme Court and that those nominations will determine the nations future policy on abortion, homosexual intolerance, marriage, family, morality, freedom of speech and association, the law, and more, I shudder when I contemplate the possibility that Christians will continue to refuse to be good citizens on behalf of their children and neighbors.
Back in April, Crowe sent a similarly the-sky-is-falling note, chastising his flock: “Of the 8,000 Oregonians on this email list, only 40 have made contributions toward our efforts, totaling $4,385.00. That is not enough.”
And that was when Crowe was raising money for the petition drive. This time, he’s asking for payroll and marketing funds. I have a hard time believing his “Bible believing, God honoring” followers are going to open up their wallets to the tune of $50K for that.
Sir:
To use an old piece of vernacular: Far freaking out.
It is deeply gratifying that Mr. Crowe is out of cash in his efforts to re-make God in his own warped, hate-filled image. Now if Hagee would go broke my day would be made.
I remain your humble servant.
Jacomus
So, these religious dudes came by my house a few weeks ago.
They stop by every now and then, and I hear them out…. This is the kind of shit you do when you have free time like me.
So, naturally… they kinda lead with issues that most people agree with… that being the war in the mid-east.
They told me how God doesn’t like war. That killing is wrong, and killing in his name is hypocritical. (They also called the Muslims the “antichrists”. I resisted the urge to air his ass out, cuz I wanted to hear what his crazy ass was going to say next.)
So, I was like… “Oh nice! So God doesn’t condone war in his name? Because if you fight in God’s name, you’re playing God yourself? And the fates of people is for God, and God alone to decide?”
And his little beady eyes all lit up and he was like “YESSSSS… YESSSSS slither slither”.
So then I was like “AWESOME! That’s how always felt!!!! It’s like.. people who fight in God’s name, don’t really have much faith in God, because if they really did, then they would know that God would sort them out, and everything down here is just part of his almighty plan!”
Snakeyes is all like “YESSSSSS YESSSSS!!!!”
So then I’m like, “So, I wonder! Does the definition of war stop with the sword? I mean… over in the middle east, the muslims kill in the name of the Lord, right? Because I guess they don’t have faith or something… So, I guess that’s like lawmakers over here who try to make laws, waging a political war, and punish people for how they live their lives! You know? Like gay marriage! I mean.. if those guys had so much faith, they’d just laugh all the way to heaven, stop waging that political war, and let the God they have so much faith in sort it all out! I mean… it’s all part of His plan, right?”
*awkward silence*
He says “The Devil works in mysterious ways”
I say, “I’ve heard the same thing said about the Lord.”
…. They haven’t come back since… =/
but yeah. high five. Fuck restore america. I’ll restore my foot in their asses.