Nope. Don’t do it. No. Absolutely not. You do not want to go there. Trust me on this, just say no. Say nope, say nada, say no way. DO… NOT. Tempted to press “play”? Simply don’t. I did—and I regret it. In the top 100 regrettable things I’ve done in my life, this ranks at #47. Why live your life in regret? It’s simply not worth it. DO NOT WATCH THIS. DO NOT. DO NOT. DO NOT. Maybe you’ll just watch like, maybe 45 seconds of it? NO. Not one second. None of it. Continue on with your life, confident in the knowledge that it will be better because you did not watch one millisecond of this video. Again… and this is the last time I’m mentioning it…

DO.
NOT.


Seriously… don’t.

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

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