Traditionally: Men pay.
Modern way: Askee pays.
Post-Modern: go 50/50

I suspect it is because most people (and this isn't just Pdx) are too poor to pay for a real date as food and drink for two people can run in upwards of $75 at nicer establishments.

As a gay man... I adore when a Portland man pays the whole bill for the date he asks me on as as (a) it rarely happens that I get asked out and (b) it rarely happens that he's willing/able to pay for both.

If a man is interested in a woman, and asks her out in hopes of having an other than plutonic relationship, he picks up the tab. If a man invites a lady friend out, and he has any class, he'll pay. If some unemployed guy dreams of all that, but hasn't got much money, but asks a gal out anyway, he's a loser. Any male who asks out a female and suggests that they go Dutch Treat, is frivolously dominating the lady's time and precluding her from meeting a viable prospect. He can't be serious. It's just a power trip. Any woman who makes this concession at the beginning, will only suffer more significant abuse latter on.

In Spain, in dates, they go splits, and when one pays for the two a couple of drinks or food/dinner, it's like a courtesy nice thing, wrong headed feminist from all over the world go to rage in Madrid when somebody offers to pay 100%. Either paying the whole night or the bill at one establishment full on.

In Africa whoever looses his wallet first due to drunkenness or gets it stolen, his/hers date pays. It's total chaos. Atm's don't work, certain establishments have the credit thingies broken so cash flows, etc.

What was the question again?

I usually pay 100%. Honestly speaking, I have found that if you pay the tab and not stare at her boobs the whole time you are more likely to get laid.

2

Probably yeah Iceprez but what means when girls play with her boobs/fixing their bras the whole time your looking at her eyes? They're tricky.

It *is* expected. He's a cheapskate. Having said that, if you *do* decide to go out with him again, try Sam's. Sam's is a pool hall/tavern that serves a great meal for around $10.

I go to efforts to pay on the first date, and maybe one or two more before either going 50/50 or starting to trade off. But Portland is a progressive city, and I won't fight a date that wants to pay their way.

Honestly, I would be a bit put off by a date that EXPECTS me to pay. Paying for a date is a nice gesture but not a requirement nowadays. It stops being an act of generosity when it's expected.

If you like him and had a good time, just roll with it.

I've always split everything 50/50

So badly want to leave a suck/ fuck =$ post but I won't. Vote me down for my thoughts in the meanwhile.......



Or vot me up, hell, I need the help, so close to a i anon tshirt so close....

So, it's "no biggie" on the first date and "slightly bothersome" on the second, right? I honestly think you need to make up your mind. If you're annoyed, don't go on a third date. If you don't care, then expect to pay half and let it go.

So dinner and three or four drinks to get you in the door for third base but how about the home run?

How much more for a little knuckle ball batting practice behind the dugout?

I can only control my own expectations for myself. So, yeah, duh, if I invite someone out I expect to pay. If you invite someone over to your house for dinner do you ask them to bring the salad, dessert and wine? Same thing.

Of course you don't ask them to bring wine to the big fancy dinner you spent half the night preparing. They know how much time and effort you put into it, it's the least they can do to bring the wine.

I often pay half to keep things equitable and to keep a certain type of guy from thinking I owe them something for paying. Plus I don't feel bad about ordering higher dollar food or wine when I know I'm contributing. Another thing I do is pay for a round of drinks or dessert or something afterwards. I will say though, that if I like a guy, I will let him pick up the check.

@Fredupton: I would pay top dollar for a plutonic relationship. Double if it involved Pluto on Pluto.

If not paying for the bill is a deal-breaker when you're dating, in THIS city, with people who you know don't have a lot of money, you should probably at least vaguely allude to that with the people you're meeting.

Oh, it's embarrassing? Life is tough.

You know what's funny about this to me? You're upset because you think the asker should pay, but you've gone on 3 dates with a guy you're clearly interested in seeing again without ever being the asker. It's like you believe it's both on guys to ask, and on the asker to pay. It's a roundabout way of saying it's his job to pay.

This is a perfect example of why I'm almost completely content being single. The dating scene is one of the greatest incubators of neuroses the world has ever known.

Do I need to ask her out? Do I need to pay? When should I call? Why isn't she calling me back? Should I go in for a kiss? Etc., etc., etc....

Ever since I was kid, I always heard of this thing called women's equality? I think it's fair to say, in America, women are being paid equally. Of course sexism exists, but most people don't tolerate it anymore.

Anyhow, women hold most of the cards today. If you want to have everything paid for, you can make it happen. Of course, you'll be dealing with mostly assholes at that point, and the relationship will likely be highly transactional in nature. And if you're ok paying your own way, you can demand that your potential partner possesses the character traits you're looking for.

It's pretty rare in the dating world to have your cake and get to eat it too. I'm all for gender equality, but it seems women check gender equality at the door when it comes to dating.

@Fred Upton...

I forgot to mention that your closing statement is moronic at best. Let me get this straight...

A man requesting to go dutch on a date = Future emotional and/or physical abuse for the lady?!?!?!?

It just makes the dude broke and/or somewhat cheap you fucking dunce!!!! What type on online psychology degree do you have that qualifies you to make such a ridiculous leap? I have a feeling you only spout that type of bullshit in your attempts to get laid.

That last statement is a pretty big generalization Rick. I agree about dating - it turns me into a basket case too. Every quirk becomes a flaw and every miscue becomes a warning flag. A date goes bad and you try to figure out why without stopping to think that everyone is an individual. One woman might subscribe to the social custom of the guy picking up the tab, or on the first date, but she doesn't speak for all women. Hell, the same is true for any interaction - something you said or did that turned off one woman might be funny to the next.

But it's all worth it when you can sit at home in your underwear with another human being without being judged.

This does not need to be complicated. If you are a guy, you should pay the tab, unless she asked you out and said "my treat" and insisted after you offered to pay. This is what men do. Boys will get all pissy and want the woman to pay half. But then they get real jobs and earn real money and don't worry about stupid shit like this. Pay the tab. Man up.

"Woman is the dominant sex. Men have to do all sorts of stuff to prove that they are worthy of woman's attention." --Camille Paglia

"Men know they are sexual exiles. They wander the earth seeking satisfaction, craving and despising, never content. There is nothing in that anguished motion for women to envy." --Camille Paglia

"A woman simply is, but a man must become." --Camille Paglia

"If feminism has receded in visibility and prestige, it is precisely because its vision of life's goals and rewards has become too narrow and elitist." --Camille Paglia

Without analysis of the fact, statistically, the lowest common denominator in a divorce filed by the wife, is that she makes more money than her husband. Does anyone assume that V. Stiviano pays half the tab, even when she goes out with Earvin Johnson? Shouldn't Magic be getting extra concessions from her, out of sympathy because he's still dying of HIV, anyway?

If you've never met a guy before, you definitely don't want to run the risk of him thinking you owe him sex because he paid for dinner.

Then again, you think he owes you dinner, so maybe you're content to play by those rules.

You're not helping your cause Upton. Why don't you take your cocaine and/or mescalin fueled rants to Bagby Hot Springs where they belong?

When I'm asked out, I assume the tab will be covered by the guy. If on date #1, the tab comes and he asks to split it, I'm not offended. I do get concerned that the date didn't go well and he's not invested though :) But this is a Portland thing; guys aren't making an income to cover the whole bill all the time. That's reality.
On the turn, if I ask a guy out, I do plan on paying but most often we end up splitting it or he covers it.
My thing is, guy or gal, if you can't afford to date (pay the whole tab), you shouldn't be dating.
I don't consider that feminism or traditional - it's practical. And many people (guys and gals) on the dating scene in Portland are NOT practical.

If a gal has no practical intention of ever finding a fell'a with whom to develop a significant future with, and has nothing better to do than to waste her time and money hanging out with losers, users, and abusers, then go for it.

..but try to get at least, 60/40.

"My thing is, guy or gal, if you can't afford to date (pay the whole tab), you shouldn't be dating."

Is that a fresh platitude? Like the stale one about how "if you don't love yourself, you can't love another?"

👆everyone up there is single and clueless👆

Hey, hey, Hayley, me and you babe, how 'bout it?

What's it cost to go for a walk? The only expense is for a cane to shove in the spokes of speeding bicycles that pass too close.